I think “annoyance” captures this round of infertility whereas round one was much more “despair”, overarchingly. Still sucks but a much better place to be for me.
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This is kind of how I feel deep down inside right now. Like, I’m going to spend all this money just for the sake of being fiscally irresponsible and impoverishing myself, since that’s been the baseline of my life, and really nothing will come of it other than being poorer. I am trying to think positive thoughts and shit, but I’m also pretty sure the part of me that was capable of true hope or belief is at least in hibernation, if not already dead.
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This is a great description. I’m on cycle 15 now and am definitely at this point. To think when I was starting out I read a book on pregnancy and childbirth and read up on how to care for a baby because I was worried 40 weeks wouldn’t be long enough to wrap my head around it 
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Folks, life has given us a weird ass twist, lol. Some friends approached my wife to start the conversation to see if she would be a potential egg donor for them. Obviously a lot would be involved, including figuring out if she would even be a good candidate.
She’s not not open to it! It’s a straight couple who are 10ish years older than us, and the wife is also Chinese American. The wife been through seven rounds of IVF without any embryos coming from it, which sounds unimaginably brutal. My wife has been close with the husband and his parents for about 15 years, so they know each other well.
We need more chaos, so I’m glad we have another wild card 
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I also felt this way, which is not to say that everything will definitely be all right, but that feeling that way a) doesn’t mean it’s true, b) isn’t causing things to happen or not happen, and c) is a perfectly normal way to feel after everything you’ve been through and with the task ahead.
You do not have to force or fake any kind of positivity in the process. Numb yet taking forward steps will get you to the same place just as well.
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Whoa! I asked a person in my life to consider sperm, but no one would have wanted my crappy eggs! Def find out if egg sharing is an option. Free IVF if so.
Wait, I forgot she’s not doing the IUIs right now. Too many ovaries to keep track of! Still, it’s worth considering icing some eggs/embryos for your family as well if someone is going to be all up in there anyway.
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16 months off BC, 12 months tracking, and like… 6 ovulatory cycles (one pre-tracking)…
sigh
Stupidly, it feels like after we got the hang of GOF and got past schedule issues, my cycles got screwy. 
Oh well. Onwards!
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While I mumble about what to do with a new thread, my first task is to email a new midwifery led group about what options they provide for IV fluids during pregnancy. I expect to need a couple of bags a week for first and second trimester, be unable to walk, and need a provider who can work with me on what medications and letters I need/ am able to take. It looks like they do general women’s health as well as pregnancy care, which is promising.
Preparing for 8+ months of disability so I’m not traumatised (as much?) if we do try again. FWIW the biggest mindfuck is that on rounds 2 and 3 my brain believed I “did this to myself deliberately” and it’s an impressive intersection of sexism, ableism, and my body losing the genetic lottery in this particular aspect.
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Definitely, it raises some interesting possibilities for sure. We’ll see!
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CD1, on schedule. I’ll call the clinic soon when they open. Sigh.
period complaints
Period poops suck. And how does my husband always manage to travel the first and/or second day of my period? You know what isn’t fun with a cup?? A toddler watching your every move 
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Complaints
I totally get you on the toddler + cup frustration. Mine was starting to try and “help” and wanted to rinse the cup for me 
She also pulled it out of the drawer one day and ran up to me and tried shoving it into my through my pants yelling “mama vagina cup”
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Commiseration
I’ll never forget the time I took the kids hiking and bled all over myself because there was no private way to put my cup in. Oops. I mean, nothing a little salt water soak couldn’t fix, but it was not my finest moment.
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Tell your brain to stop sounding like the XFP. You deserve not to have a voice disturbingly like That Asshole echoing in your head.
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The last of the meds are confirmed to be in the US as of this morning! Estimated delivery day of tomorrow, so all good on that front.
But in the “bodies are trolls” column, now that I have a 6:00 am appointment tomorrow that was supposed to be for “during my period,” that bitch named CD1 has refused to show her face! I swear, it felt like it was gonna come early, and then I spotted the night before last and yesterday morning, but today, NADA! The nurse told me to email her tonight if it still hasn’t shown up and we can maybe move my appointment to Friday. Whyyyyyyy?
I’m ravenous, grumpy, and extremely bloated. I have had consistently negative pregnancy tests. It is coming. But of course has to troll me the one time I need it to be on a schedule.
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HSG next Wednesday. Ultrasound CD 11, next Friday (if I haven’t gotten a positive OPK first). I start letrzole Thursday, so I need to get to the pharmacy tomorrow. On a solo toddler care day. Into a Costco. With a toddler whose greatest joy in life is sprinting through stores. I may have to go full “Daniel tiger on the phone while she’s strapped in the cart” and hope for the best.
Assuming the IUI itself happens no later than CD14, Monday, SirB and I will have no issues trading off child care. They don’t even allow a support person at ultrasounds right now for anyone.
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The nurse just told me that I can come in tomorrow anyway, after I told her I’ve been having negative pregnancy tests, so that is good.
(I didn’t realize that there was a possible world in which me having to show up somewhere at 6am to put $11k on a credit card and have something shoved up my vagina could be “good,” but here we are.)
I hope there are lots of happy, plump little follicles on the ultrasound at the ass-crack of dawn, to make it all worth my while.
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Good luck!
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The doctor counted 7 follicles again. So no better but no worse than last time. He said that there’s a chance that there might be some more by retrieval as ones that are not currently visible might grow.
I STILL haven’t really started bleeding yet, but I’m cramping quite a bit right now, so I suppose that I will within the hour or two. He said to go ahead and start the meds tomorrow as long as I’ve started bleeding by then, or Friday if not till then.
I’m going to be on 225IU of Gonal-F and 150IU of Menopur every day and have another appointment on Monday to see how things are coming along. Next week sometime, we will add the Cetrotide. The nurse gave me a very thorough demonstration of how everything will work. She’s really nice.
They took some more blood for hormone levels and said the meds might need to be adjusted depending on how they come back this afternoon.
Next week, I’ll have to go back in basically every other day for them to do an ultrasound and check on me. My retrieval might be anywhere from Fri 2/25 to Mon 2/28. Which happens to be midterms weekend, ugh, but I’ll go ahead and wipe everything else off my calendar for that weekend.
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The last box of medication was annoyingly not delivered by the mail person today. “Delivery Attempted - No Access to Delivery Location” which is what they say when they haven’t actually attempted crap, haha. So…I am going to try to go my ass down there first thing in the morning to get the box so that I can start.
The doctor said I have to pick a time, and the time I’d picked was 9 am because that’s the only time I’m reliably doing the same thing every day: preparing for my 9:30 class. After that class, all bets are off.
My post office is infuriating. First, the 800-number told me to call the local office and ask them to hold it for me for pickup. When I tried, my local post office put me on hold and then hung up on me after a while, then never even picked up the phone when I tried to call back. I realized I was only a block away (was driving home from acupuncture), so I just went there in person and was told that they will not hold packages for pickup—I just have to show up there at 9:00 am on the dot with my ID and ask for it. And then, I guess, rush home and do all the things before class.
I guess it turned out to be a good thing that my period refused to come on time. The acupuncture made it start immediately! It started just as I got back in my car afterwards.
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OMG. Human had this happen, exclusively with big and important purchases, twice in the last year. Not USPS, though, it was UPS and some FedEx subcontractor that had negative 5 stars and F-- on BBB.
Basically… I sincerely hope your luck is better than ours!
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