Good luck!!! 
(chanting under breath free sex miracle baby! free sex miracle baby!)
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Wishing you luck and steady emotions in the face of so much uncertainty!
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Troll toddler KNOWS. After weeks of solid nighttime sleep (only a 5-5:30am snooze feed) she’s been sleeping 7-7 with rarely a squawk. The last 2-3 nights have been chaos. Screaming every couple hours, not resettling, etc. I think toddlers seek to actively prevent their siblings 
this is my operating theory. LATTE. WE HAVE A HARD ENOUGH TIME ALREADY.
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This is so true! We’ve been trying to get labor started during nap time and she wakes up and starts screaming about 30 seconds after we start every single time! Even if she’s only been asleep for 20 minutes!
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They sense a disturbance in the force. I’m convinced of it.
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It was a full moon tonight so we can blame that for everything.
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I swear BB had no idea. He liked my expansive belly, but he was at the belly admiration age. He was very upset seeing me in the hospital bed, though, and I don’t think he realized that LB was just another baby not unlike himself but smaller until I was strapping them both into the backseat to take LB home.
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I am really undecided on when to have another baby. Gigi will be 15 months tomorrow.
I feel physically ok though I wish I was stronger.
We have enough money but not a lot extra. We are hoping to lean into our careers a bit more this year to get our income up. I am hoping to start a business and Mr. G would like to change jobs. Do we just proceed and let work be what it is? Or is that unnecessary stress? Or is it better to just have all the kiddos pretty close together so I can just take the hit work wise and then rebuild once done having kiddos?
We have talked about having anywhere from 2-4 so I feel like we could run out of time vs. choosing that we are done. Also, it takes a long time to have 4 kiddos. That is a big impact on a work career. It took 1 year, 9 cycles, and 1 miscarriage to have Gigi so it could be a struggle next time too. Can we even afford more then 2 kiddos?
So yeah, lots of complicated feelings.
I only started feeling ready to even think about it again in the last few weeks. Once Gigi started saying a word or two, started learning the word no, and stopped falling every 5 seconds while learning to walk having another has felt doable.
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Anyone have a favorite period tracker app? They are all so…pink… but seem better designed than last time I looked. Temp input highly desirable. Moods and symptoms are a nice plus…
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Fertility friend, which is a bit pink but I didn’t find it In Your Face Pink and the graphs are very good.
When I’m not TTC I just use Clue, which is not pink.
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Fertility friend all the way. It looks vaguely like an old school Microsoft product, lol, but they’re the best in the game IMO. Admittedly it’s been… Jesus, 6 years now? Since I was first period tracking. But using Kindara made me miss my luteal phase defect for TWO YEARS. I could have known something was going on, and found my prolactinoma, much sooner if I was using FF. Even their free version is suitably robust.
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I used Fertility Friend for a looooong time. Once you start doing actual fertility treatments, though, period tracking is tough! I have only been keeping track on my FitBit lately, which is not super useful except that at least it is a record.
I am getting all steamed up about how crappy our leave is in the US and in my existence in particular. I was alone with my first baby after 1 week, which was my husband and mother alternating. (Both teachers, super hard to take off work.) With my second baby, I got, like, half a day? After that the best I could hope for was help with the toddler. Someone would take him elsewhere or to his babysitter.
And if I have another baby, it will probably be similar. I won’t want the Boy to burn up his (unpaid, of course) leave staring at me. I would want him to save it so he could stay home with the baby after I went back to work. At least my mom is retired now… but also now I live far away…
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Well, cycle 1 appears to be a no go (negative test, 14DPO). Which honestly is a relief since I have my first covid vaccine tomorrow and don’t want to do it first trimester with the fever risk (esp the second dose). And actually this is a good thing since it means I’ve had a full length luteal phase! (Assuming I ovulated when my OPK says I should have; I’m not temping). Hopefully this means my prolactin is a reasonable level? I’ve read it normalizes for people after 12 months even if you’re still nursing, but I don’t know if I still have the prolactinoma, too. 
So many variables.
Even with all that, woulda been kinda nice to “unicorn” somehow.
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Today is two months since my D&C and I still haven’t bled again since the week after the procedure. I’ve been shit about temping since it was just kind of all over the place, but a couple times per week I’ve been taking both OPK and pregnancy test just to see what there is to see. Nothing so far on any front since my HCG wound down after the miscarriage.
However, Monday, I could have sworn I had ovulation pain that day—it felt just like it—though when I tried to take an OPK that day it showed nothing. (Does it usually show nothing at the actual time of ovulation? I can’t seem to find the info online.) So I guess I will see if I start bleeding in two weeks. And I guess I should be more reliable about temping again.
I had my first appointment with my new PCP today so that I could get a referral for the new OBGYN that I want. The PCP was awesome and she told me that the OBGYN I want is one of her favorites and in her favorite group practice, with 7 female doctors and one male, and she likes every one of them. So that is a good sign.
I am feeling a little worried and discouraged, though. I was hoping I’d be able to try again super soon, and here it is two months later and I haven’t even bled yet. I pushed back a training program that I wanted to do by a year when I got pregnant, so now I’m supposed to be doing it in 2022, and it’s like, if I want to even be able to do it that year, I would ideally need to get pregnant before the start of summer this year so I could travel for the program in July 2022. Plus, I’m turning 40 in September of this year! There is now zero chance that I could have a baby before 40, which gives me even lower odds of being able to have more than one (if I even get one).
As kinda tired as I was getting of the “trying” routine before I got pregnant, I would give anything to get back to the predictable stability of that again—knowing what to do when and at least having the reliable markers to let me know I’m on the right path. This limbo sucks!
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This varies by woman. Some people have their LH spike drop really rapidly, some people have a more gradual fall. My understanding is though that usually as your ovarian reserve gets lower, the spike is more sudden and drops more quickly. So it’s likely with older age or bad reserve like I have that you might not get a positive LH test of the day or after of actual ovulation.
Eta there’s a paper on LH surging pattern I can probably dig up if you’re interested.
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I’d be interested to read it!
This does a good summary:
And this was the paper I was thinking of (scroll down for figures)
https://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(07)00160-4/fulltext
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From the non science side, I found that it took a few months to see the pattern, because doing it at the right time was hard and I didn’t always catch it
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Agree! My surge is very short and hard to catch. Finally figured out the time of day it usually happens, and that helps a lot.
Eta for a while I had to test 3x per day before I could catch it.
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Same. Sometimes I could only catch it at like 10pm or early next morning.
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