I never feel like the relationships are doing well by the time people write into the column.
10 Likes
Ha!
TIL that “day school,” is NY ponce for private school.
4 Likes
Ooooh i didnt even pick that up. They mean beyond daycare? Like normal school?
I mean it is a religious school so I figured being private school was an automatic thing.
3 Likes
Day school just means not a boarding school. It’s a common moniker for posh schools, including nonreligious privates. Jewish religious schools are usually called “jewish day schools” for reasons I don’t understand. But most catholic ones don’t really have to seem that moniker.
4 Likes
Here is a commenter who failed to notice that I explicitly included Manhattan median income in the post for you, allhat. I’m not gonna go argue with them even though I wanna
6 Likes
okay i didn’t resist I responded on the site 
I’m not saying families making $200K in the bay area have it easy but still the majority of families in the bay ARE making it happen on less money, according to the numbers.
15 Likes
Good for you on responding! I’m soooo tired of this delusional/self-serving way of thinking about money. It’s fascinating how often it happens specifically in personal finance areas too! Like, you’d think that group would be more data-driven when it comes to where they lie in terms of money/relative wealth…but not so much. It’s wild.
10 Likes
I’m (more or less) from that community that the LW is likely talking about with the $20,000 +/year day school thing - or at least a very similar one.
There are religious reasons for not considering public school to be an option. Unfortunately, this problem is systemic. There could be cheaper educational options that use public school + supplemental religious education. But people with money and power don’t want there to be. So it gets framed through religious reasons. And efforts for lower cost solutions are undermined/cut off. Individuals who opt out do so with significant cost to their ability to be part of specific religious groups.
It turns into an affluence test. You must be THIS rich to participate in this religious community.
It’s one of the main reasons I don’t participate in that kind of community anymore. There is an internal blindness to the idea that maybe you shouldn’t HAVE To be that rich to be a community member. Or that any religious group that requires it as a baseline for entry isn’t one with the right values.
It’s so pervasive to accept that you need a lifestyle that is barely within reach (or out of reach) of the upper 5%, that it’s very easy for me to believe that someone with anxiety wouldn’t think they can afford to have kids in that world. I have a friend with anxiety who is an MD/PHd, runs a multi-million dollar lab, and he has had/continues to have the same concerns about having kids & this religious school thing/community participation.
14 Likes
I’m really curious about this. This goes behind tithing etc. That I’m familiar with when it comes to blending finances and religion or spirituality.
5 Likes
I was thinking that too! Where I grew up Catholic schools were free to parish families but if you were not a parish member you had to pay something like $2k a year. It was pretty minimal.
1 Like
The writer is modern Orthodox Jewish. There’s pretty strong reasons to send your kid to Jewish Day School that have to do with, in particular, what they get exposed to in a Christian hegemony culture. Holidays, Hebrew, etc.
But Catholic schools are quite a bit cheaper because there is a central organization in Catholicism that supports their funding. There isn’t any central org in Judaism. a very small Jewish population in many cities that means you may only have one option for a religious school so no choice on options. LWer was from NYC though and definitely has so many options - over 100 in Brooklyn alone.
All Jewish day schools also have tuition assistance too though.
7 Likes
Atheist thoughts on religious groups
I like to think I am open and accepting of the role religion plays in people’s lives and communities. To the extent that I see how it plays a vital social good role for many, even if I don’t believe personally. Most world religions (on paper) stress caring for the less fortunate, service to others, kindness, challenging/growing oneself, and generosity. It’s also none of my business what higher being(s) or supernatural powers or creation myths someone believes (after all even modern science also has tenets taken on faith and the Big Bang is a type of creation myth, too, after all).
And then I hear about religions with affluence tests and prosperity gospel BS and political-goals-above-Jesus and I’m like Big Nope. Zero respect.
If you practice a Faith, I respect your Faith. Zero question.
I do not respect anyone’s exploitation of others and white supremacy masquerading as religious belief. 
ETA I write this before Lily gave the LW background but I don’t think that changes my opinion. Faith should not require you be “this rich to ride”
3 Likes
I would think the Christian hegemony culture would be less prominent in NYC, especially in areas that are super diverse. From what I’ve heard there are also major concerns about social curricula (i.e. liberal ideals) proliferating the public school system among a lot of religious/conservative New Yorkers. Big battles over stuff related to religious schools too, and what they do and don’t have to teach.
2 Likes
relatedly: I know my dad + his siblings all got re-baptized catholic so they could go to catholic school because the queens public schools were awful. The kids were originally baptized Greek Orthodox but they rebaptized them Catholic so they could go to the neighborhood Catholic school. (No greek orthodox schools in Corona Queens lol) But no idea how much, but presumably affordable enough in the 60s and 70s for 5 kids on a single welder with an 8th grade education’s income?
2 Likes
Oh yea, and the Hasidic schools are straight up failing the boys especially, many graduate high school not even speaking enough English to pass the GED.
But I wouldn’t say that raising a kid in Manhattan as a modern orthodox (not in a Hasidic community in Brooklyn) will mean they aren’t constantly exposed to a cultural and religious narrative that is still majority Christian in public school. Christian holidays taken off as official school holidays, having to make up work for the high holidays, school lunches won’t be kosher, having to learn Hebrew extra on the weekends - and they are still likely to be one of only a few Jewish kids in their class, at most. Possibly the only one. There are reasons for sending your kid to a religious school if you have a strong faith and you’re also part of a minority religion.
4 Likes
That could be! It’s all relative. When I worked for a NYC school (public, college) we were required to be off for Christian, Muslim, and Jewish holidays. My public high school (NJ) was also off for Christian and Jewish holidays and that was the norm in the surrounding area as well. So I think some of this is different depending on place.
The food is such an interesting point. I recall hearing about a pilot for kosher foods in NYC public schools a while ago but IDK if it ever came to anything? I mean a public school will never be the same as a culturally and religiously homogenous school. But I do think a lot of NYC schools are quite different from like, standard American schools. The backgrounds of the majority of teachers too, I think makes a big difference in how much Christianity seeps into the classroom.
3 Likes
Omg when did you ever go to school?
1 Like
We were off ALL THE TIME.
4 Likes
Yeah I’m not buying it. As a Jew who lived in NYC for a decade lol, there are tons of modern Orthodox communities that don’t require 50k/yr/kid… they’re just pretty much distinct communities. Which does suck yes.
“Oh woe is me, I have to be rich in order to guarantee my kid only associates with other rich kids!” – I have very little sympathy for this.
Jewish high holy days are school holidays in NYC because so many of the teachers are Jewish.
ETA I also have a chip on my shoulder because my religion is very important to me and I grew up without the luxury of things like Jewish private school. I get these kinds of shocked “but you couldn’t POSSIBLY raise Jewish children without XYZ” reactions from relatives and I hate it. Imo it really shows a shallow attitude towards your actual religious values if you can only imagine fulfilling them with $$$$$.
14 Likes
Yeah I was going to say I can’t imagine them being the one Jewish kid in school, haha.
3 Likes