My husband and his ex divorced in 1997 at her request and they had 2 kids (8-10). To make a long story short as soon as we met in 1998 she tried to get him back, lied to the kids and took him to court constantly for money despite out earning him by double. We didn’t get married for 5 years because we couldn’t afford to lose any of my income. Finally we took custody of the youngest at 13 and child support was a moot point.
Fast forward to a year ago and she had stage 4 cancer with few friends and both boys living out of state. So she asks my husband to take her for a second medical opinion in another state and he goes. For the past year we have both been helping her and recently I realized I have totally forgiven her and also will feel terrible when she dies. She will miss all the big moments in her son’s lives. My husband hasn’t forgiven her although he’s very nice to her. I am taking her to all her medical appointments with my husband working out of town. He is acting like she is exaggerating her condition and I find myself getting annoyed with him. This feels weird on so many levels.
That sounds like a tough situation. You are showing true compassion.
Armchair internet psychologist here so take it for what it’s worth - maybe he wants her to be exaggerating? Because even with their baggage it’s scary as fuck for someone who you were close to for years to be dealing with stage four cancer.
Meerkat, I hadn’t thought of that. He has been working out of town so when he gets home tonight going out for a drink since my adult son moved in being out of work. He was teaching in Vietnam and had to fly home. Having a small house not a ton of privacy. My stepson is in the military and she wants him to take a one time compassion visit while my husband thinks she will be alive in July when he is due to return. My husband is very compassionate so I bet you are right.
My stepson took the 2 week compassion visit and it was good he did. His mom got to meet his serious girlfriend and almost died. They had 5 good days and she has been hospitalized ever since. Amazingly we have managed to rehome her pets to good friends of mine. I can’t believe how things have fallen into place but it’s emotionally exhausting. He leaves Thursday morning and most likely won’t see her again.