Some years ago I saw a comic strip which had people (perhaps just women) pointing out that another woman spent a lot on TOPIC X, and then at the end everyone being 'I don’t know how she affords it", with the implication being that it was doable because it was that person’s money dial rich life splurge item. So for one person it was clothing, another person had fabulous vacations, another person had a great car.
Does this sound familiar to anyone else and if so, do you remember which strip it was?
Resources for mentally processing success?? I never thought we would see earning numbers like SirB had last year, and I’m finding it very hard to wrap my head around it and like… process our place in the world, if that makes sense? I’ve always been super open with our finances before this and suddenly I feel like I can’t talk to any of my friends about it, and it’s just been very weird and isolating. Obviously a good problem to have and all that, but it’s like an itch I can’t scratch having half thought out ideas I can’t process properly and no one to process them with, if that makes sense.
ETA in case related- my dad came from a fairly wealthy family and my mom came from a very very poor one. Lots of baggage there already.
Is this a struggle for SirB, you, both? Feelings of guilt, thinking others may be jealous, imposter syndrome?
I don know of resources, but I know how hard he (you both) work, his great skills and intelligence, and how much his clients keep insisting on using him x. YOU HAVE EARNED THIS! EVERY DAMN PENNY.
Thank you it’s definitely a me problem haha. And I don’t think it’s any sense of partnership inequality in our own relationship, anything like that. He makes very clear all the time that he sees and appreciates that he could not do this and be the success he is in his field without having me there as the default parent and steady base so that he can travel at a moments notice and things like that. I suppose maybe imposter syndrome? With feelings of isolation because I don’t want to seem like I’m rubbing it into people‘s faces to talk to friends about it or something. With a side of questions of morality and obligations, balanced against pursuing financial independence and a sense that this is somehow all made up and could disappear at a moments notice and we would be back to making $64,000 a year.
Any feelings of loss of your own career at play? Not that you can’t pick it back up or pivot to something else later, but the “right now” feelings. IMO you have the hardest “job” of the two of you.
I for one am very happy that a smart hardworking person is getting at least somewhat fairly paid for the diligence and competency, versus the stupid douchebags we see in the media.
Nah, parenting was always my main focus. When SirB and I were first dating (we both came into it being like “hey I want kids and if you don’t, probably let’s bow out now”) we picked my career specifically around what would be a good safety fall back that I could enter and exit more easily than most around having kids. I’m very much NOT a career as my identity person. I’d wager at least half my neighbor friends don’t even know I’m technically a still licensed nurse, lol. The main guilt around career is just that we don’t NEED a second income, which is so rare for families these days. I feel very fortunate I got to choose if I stayed home or not, although it obviously helps that we began with that end in mind. (Never using the second income for living expenses, etc)
There was a book from a woman who was an early Amazon employee along with her partner.
It could be that book and the critical reaction to it could be interesting? Or triggers. Hard to know.
I am also having trouble tbh. Maybe because I have been a penny pincher for so long, and suddenly after last year it feels like the story of the algae covering a pond
I’m not sure what this means! But yes I think having to hustle and plan and scrimp so hard to get ahead, to now it just kinda… happening even while being crazy spendy in some areas, is hard to wrap my head around.
Having been “poor” and frugal for many years, I saved a lot for my later years (there won’t be social security, etc., etc.). Now I still find it hard to spend after years focused on not spending. Markets have given me way more money, but spending is still hard (“that costs HOW MUCH!? That’s not worth that much”). Ah, habits.
I know I’ve been progcessing class traitor feelings for a while now, especially ever since Wizard got A Real Job and we combined finances. I grew up rural lower middle class and now I’m urban professional/upper class and it’s really batty to me. I’m not sure if any of that is true for you, too.
This is a good place to talk about it I’m not working and no kids and Marmalade is working and getting us healthcare while I enjoy life. I get mad when he tells strangers that I’m retired (super embarrassing, especially when he said it in India to a bunch of doctors at the hospital where we are donors) and I just say I’m not working right now. I don’t want to rub it in people’s faces, especially if they’re struggling or my age and working very hard!
When you change “financial brackets” it can be really jarring and weird. I still struggle with saving a dollar here or there at the grocery but at the same time trying to be Rich and more free with our spending because I can afford it, and it’s like two opposite people crammed inside me.
duck weed is doubling in size each day. on day 30 it covers the whole pond
on what day is half the pond covered?
it’s the idea of the sudden change of status, even though it’s the extrapolation of an existing trend.
I had lunch with someone yesterday who is feeling defeated about ever being able to buy a home (which I definitely understand given Toronto). But also, thinking there is no point in doing anything because you need capital to invest, is not helpful. She did just do the math and discover that 1% interest on her savings account is annual, not monthly (she called up the bank to complain), so she’s going to switch banks as I suggested about 2 years ago to a place with better interest and no monthly fees for a chequing account.
How involved are you in community giving and are you interested in doing more? I’m part of my local Awesome Foundation (awesomefoundation.org) chapter and it’s been a good way just learn about cool local initiatives, occasionally give more to projects/groups that I learn about through that, and also be connected to other people who want to do the same.
Does SirB have any friends through work that you could get to know over time, who are presumably on a similar path in terms of financial success?
Thank you! I’ll look into these. We have a few local charities we give to monthly and I’ve tried to add one each year. We could undoubtedly do more, but I do feel a lot of a sense of 1- I need to save as much as possible to buy husbands time/make sure he doesn’t go hard workaholic feel like he has no choice and 2- it feels like this could all evaporate instantly, like its not real. That’s probably unfounded, but the sense of impermanence remains.
He’s very much a young prodigy for his speciality- everyone else is pretty much 15-50 years older, mainly in the 20-30 years older than us range. The company Christmas dinner was very awkward for me
Has anyone tried doing their own taxes using fillable forms? It really galls me to keep paying for tax software and I have always done the state ones by hand to save $$.
Our returns are not that complicated (W-2s and interest income, qualifying HSA withdrawals, kids, no itemized deductions) and pretty similar to last year, if that matters.
it’s definitely a me problem haha. And I don’t think it’s any sense of partnership inequality in our own relationship, anything like that. He makes very clear all the time that he sees and appreciates that he could not do this and be the success he is in his field without having me there as the default parent and steady base so that he can travel at a moments notice and things like that. I suppose maybe imposter syndrome? With feelings of isolation because I don’t want to seem like I’m rubbing it into people‘s faces to talk to friends about it or something. With a side of questions of morality and obligations, balanced against pursuing financial independence and a sense that this is somehow all made up and could disappear at a moments notice and we would be back to making $64,000 a year.
I’m not working and no kids and Marmalade is working and getting us healthcare while I enjoy life. I get mad when he tells strangers that I’m retired (super embarrassing, especially when he said it in India to a bunch of doctors at the hospital where we are donors) and I just say I’m not working right now. I don’t want to rub it in people’s faces, especially if they’re struggling or my age and working very hard!
maybe skimming the ep summaries would help?