I did loads of things wrong and “wrong” and my kid as an adult is really fun and doesn’t think his parents should have done anything differently. I know this because we talk all the time about everything.
And when I say I did things wrong - some of my really wtf new mom and toddler mom moments are on film forever because my son’s dad is a filmmaker.
I’ve examined a lot of my human baby memories lately after adopting a baby parrot… who has complex brain function on par with humans but will hit puberty in a year and will absolutely bite me for the next 30 years if I get this wrong. I 100% miss the infant human ‘what the hell am I supposed to do now he’s crying again’ stage of life !!
Wow, a parrot! The people demand more stories, please tell.
I also came here to ask for ideas about accepting tooth brushing for a 2yo. Videos? Books? Other tricks?
A few months ago he was very interested and would stick his little brush in his mouth when we did. We didn’t enforce and now he’s all NO BRUSH TEETH. I remembered that kids flavored toothpaste is a thing, so will buy some of that to see if it piques any interest.
So this has been an ongoing Thing with Latte and I like to think we’ve done a really good job.
Avoid power struggles at all costs on this. This is where bringing every ounce of silly, perfomative, stupidness is vital.
The frame of the pattern of doing it is way more important than individual quality of brushing. We’re building a lifetime habit and IMO it’s better to have good vibes around that then perfect brushing.
Build it in as a a step of the routine AM and PM for maximum exposure and expectation. Like Daniel Tigers going to bed story, with the song about the steps of his routine. Well often ask Latte “what step is next?”
As for the actual task-
Latte is a choice junky. We keep two toothpastes, 4 toothbrushes, and 2 flossers out. We let her brush first then we brush second. I’d say we get a really good brushing in half the time now.
Songs. We totally are willing to use videos for hygiene tasks. Got a phone stand from ikea for next to the sink. Blippi and Elmo both have good tooth brushing songs. The Elmo one is a bop, it’ll get stuck in your head
Bathroom stool so she can see in the mirror herself.
Willingness to brush elsewhere! Pick a bathroom kid, that’s fine. AM you prefer to brush on the couch while you watch she truck tunes we brush your hair to? Sure, I’ll bring a bowl for you to spit in. Etc.
I do a lot of “I can’t remember how to brush my teeth” or “Coral bunny says her teeth feel fuzzy can you help her brush?!” Offering to record her silly brushing at watching it back.
It’s exhausting and is the task that has required more creativity and persistence than nearly anything else lol, but so worth it and we’ve been huge improvements.
If you opt to delay, I’d recommend at least building in a “here’s your toothbrush” neutral moment sooner rather than later. A no pressure offer built in is a good step if there’s any past tension to undo. Taking the fight and power struggle out of a situation is a good stepping stone. “Okay. I’m brushing my teeth. Here’s your toothbrush” “NO! I DONT WANNA” “okay that’s fine. I’ll be here brushing my teeth” (1000% ignore further interaction). That can bring the heat down before moving to a next step.
That’s pretty much what we currently do. I might even downgrade from “brush your teeth? no, okay” to “here’s your toothbrush” and just ignoring whatever happens after.
Hygiene tasks are always such a tightrope with toddlers. It’s hard for anything you want done and is important, BUT it’s also a lifetime habit. Ugh. I try to envision a thermostat in a house (an old school dial one haha) and any power struggles we have turn that thermostat up. Struggle avoidant calm interactions turn it down. I try to mentally track how “hot” our interpersonal vibe is getting, and make sure to 100% avoid known flash points where I can to get it “cooler” again. Idk if that visual helps at all, but just like… seeing all our interactions as a whole and deciding what can be pushed a little more that day versus not. I think you’re right on that trying to get potting in place at the same time could be a bad idea- power struggles tend to snowball as I’m sure all toddler parents are aware haha.
In addition to your extensive and excellent list, Kiddo liked (and still likes) for me to be brushing my teeth at the same time he brushes his. This also helps me model brushing the back teeth, top teeth, and sides of the teeth (putting the toothbrush back by my cheeks) - basically everything that aren’t the front teeth the child can actually see in the mirror easily.
We let them brush themselves while we count from 1-10 in English and then Japanese. Then the parent takes over and does a good job. We have decided that tooth brushing is one of those hills we will stand on and be hard asses about. We never struggle with B but L is like 25/75. If she doesn’t want to cooperate and/or let us brush for her at the end we will just hold her down and force it. We don’t want her to think tooth brushing is something that is optional or that if she puts up a fight she can get out of it. The battles have gotten much, much better over the past few months. We also do all the things, choices, brushing her baby’s teeth, etc to try and Minimize the fuss, but some days she is more stubborn than others. Usually at this point I will ask her if she wants me to call in daddy to help hold her and she will say no and then let me brush.
Oh! One easy intervention that seems to help too, we brush our own teeth first, and then let her brush for us after. She loves to hold our toothbrushes and help us brush our teeth. But,
We do teeth brushing slightly differently. We do it in the floor with Pipsqueaks head in a lap and the adult leaning over to brush. That way we can gently niv her lips out of the way and get every tooth.
We are very low screen in general (30 minutes on weekend days only) except for teeth brushing. She gets to choose a video on my phone every night and hold the phone while I brush. At the end she gets a turn of she wants to. We do elmo, coconlmelon etc. But also random videos of airplanes or ducks or kids at the park. Whatever gets her attention that day but switching it up has been key.
+1 to everything BJ said on the toothbrushing, but my husband has also chosen this hill to die on, so sometimes we fight. One thing that almost always works wrt silliness is either scrubbing all the animals out of her mouth (I see a BUNNY in there! Let me get him!), and/or painting the mouth (She chooses the paint color, and we get the paintbrush and we paint all the inside of her mouth that color). Weird, but that stuff seems to do the trick. We also have a silly toothbrushing song that I only sing during teeth (it’s the farmer in the dell and I sing it different every time).
I cannot remember at all what we did to help brushing but I know we were super diligent in doing it right because son had congenital dental issues and ended up with crowns at 2.
I know we didn’t power struggle/force but I have no clue. Probably asked him how one of his imaginary friends brushed their teeth and he took it from there lol
Once he was staying at my parents when he was still a toddler, and was brushing by himself in the bathroom when the front part of one of his crowns fell out in the sink I’m totally shocked that didn’t freak him out more and derail dental hygiene altogether! It’s probably only because my mom was there and not me or his dad hahaha
Babysitting my friend’s preschooler and twin toddlers is a lesson in bedtime routine - one of them likes brushing and does it well, one fights the entire time fight fight fight, and one will eat the whole tube of toothpaste if not directly supervised. They also all know where the extra supplies are and two of them try to convince me they DO use 12 different toothbrushes and 5 different toothpastes every night
Meowlet really like the idea of ongoing battle against the germs. “There’s bacteria trying to make holes in your teeth! Let’s get them and wash them down the drain!” points fora cting out what th germs are saying as they go down the drain.
When I was a stay at home parent I had systems and routines that meant our day moved along in a predictable manner.
When I went back to work, the first year I took off the week between Xmas and New Years and it was a cluster fuck. The one offs are so incredibly hard because it’s impossible to have a predictable pattern about your day, especially if they are just ‘normal’ days (ie, no excursions or whatever).
This. You get in a groove. The hardest time for me are when SirB has been WFH a lot and then is gone, or has been gone a lot and is suddenly home. Either direction it takes a couple days to get our feet under us again.
I’m actually way more zen with her when I’m not half way waiting for someone to come “rescue” me. When I know it’s just go time, it’s easier to lean in.
I can’t believe you’re parenting all day and working a full-time job all day. I mean, I can, because you are doing it and doing a damn fine job of it. But maybe stay-at-home parenting is not the same as doing a second job at the same time.
When we can, Spouse or I alternate half-days off if there’s a daycare closure. I was hesitant at first but have learned that noone is firing me over this so .
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