Apparently he did not nap today. @Bracken_Joy You cursed us 
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I’m so sorry I’m like an Oracle sometimes. I see things coming then curse my vision when people turn on me (and sometimes it’s me, I’m people)
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Question from a non-parent: does anyone try to use gender neutral pronouns for their children until they’re old enough to choose? Not judging either way, just curious, since I know quite a few people bristle at the term gender reveal party.
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For my part, no. It would take an absolutely Herculean effort to educate family and friends around that, and it’s just not a hill I want to climb. I’m already picking certain “hard mode” parenting options, and that’s just not one I wanted to deal with personally 
I also know my family will be more receptive and open to gradual and gentle education, rather than a bold/uncommon parenting choice. I have a long road to walk with them even just around sex based expectations of children, so pronouns are just… more than I could handle with them.
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That makes sense. I don’t even know how it would work in English, since the language isn’t set up for that. Someone could choose one of the newer pronouns, but most people won’t know what it means.
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I’m sure people have written about it! But I am by no means a trail blazer. I respect those who are. But I don’t even like using new technology I tend to later on the curve for most things.
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We use male pronouns based on our child’s birth assignment (ultrasound assignment really, but nothing changed when he was born), with the assumption that chances are better he will continue to identify with the male gender than otherwise, and of course if he tells us he wants to use different pronouns we will honor that request.
We definitely don’t bother to correct people if they use she/her though, and that happens a lot!
I thought someone I work with was using gender-neutral pronouns for her kid, but I am becoming more convinced as time goes on that she actually has multiple children, not the one child I had previously thought she had.
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Our kiddo was assigned M at birth and we use he/him pronouns casually but in the few times we are asked about pronouns, we usually say TBD for what his pronouns are but that we use he/him for now.
I did notice that the 33 month Ages and Stages questionnaire asks if a kid can consistently ‘correctly’ answer the question “Are you a boy or a girl” and that’s one I’ll likely complain to the ped about if we get asked about it, but we aren’t there at all so for now I haven’t actually been asked yet.
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Oh that’s a point. We often dress Latte in masculine leaning clothing, or at least that’s how people see it. (Especially since she doesn’t like hair clips/bows or headbands and so we respect that presence. She also doesn’t like her hair being put up, and at this point we’re not pushing that since it’s not too in her eyes.) So she gets gendered as male often. We don’t bother to correct.
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Related question for all y’all- how do you do pronouns for other people’s kids?
Like “how old is he/she?” Should I be saying “how old are they?” But that often confuses the other parent.
I try to avoid it and be cute by addressing the child “how old are you?” but it’s a little silly when our children aren’t verbal.
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We try not to use gendered pronouns in everyday conversation and are slowly getting my parents onboard. For example “Are you happy baby??” Or “Are you feeling happy??” Rather than “aww, such a happy girl!”.
People guess both boy/girl and we chose a nominally gender neutral name, but if people ask I do say “She’s a girl”. It’s just too hard to do anything else right now. But we’ll talk about gender and sex and will of course discuss that she can choose whatever gender presentation/pronouns that she wants and that her choices can change at any point.
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I usually just say “Aww what a cutie! How old??” I figure bad grammar is ok 
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Haha this is exactly what I do. “How old?” I rarely use full sentences come to think of it.
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The parents in this documentary leaned heavily into the gender-neutral pronouns & name: https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-new-yorker-documentary/raising-baby-grey-explores-the-world-of-gender-neutral-parenting
It was thought-provoking but not a battle I am choosing at this point. Our kid’s name is somewhat gender neutral and I don’t clarify too much unless it’s someone who will actually have a relationship with the baby (friend, family, med provider). And we try to avoid gendered words if they’re not relevant, like “happy baby” instead of “happy boy”.
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We didn’t find out if he was a boy till he was born and that weirded people out enough. They felt uncomfortable using"it" and them wasn’t commonly known, especially with my older coworkers. I told them to basically just use baby as a pronoun and that seemed to be an adjustment everyone could handle.
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We had a hard no on “good girl“ and “good boy” initially but that had become harder to enforce as we engage more and more outside our little bubble, especially with Pikelet now at kindy. I don’t tolerate it with our immediate family is my line.
I use “how old is your little person” often when I encounter a new baby/toddler.
Pikelet briefly announced her baby brother to strangers as “he is a penis baby” when they asked her about him which was hilarious and awkward.
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The “good girl/boy” Icks me out SO much, and one of my due date buddies does it. We don’t see each other (3 of us with same age babies) because of the pandemic, but I’m wondering if it’ll be a problem when we see each other IRL again. We both work with kids (in healthcare roles) too, which makes it extra awkward/tricky.
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Which parts? More the gender or the good person? I’m asking because I use it a lot on my kid (and on my cat) and I’m wondering if I may have some examination to do
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I don’t know. It just… deeply bothers me. Maybe because of the pets doing tricks associations. When people use it on children, it feels somewhere between pet ownership/dehumanizing and kink vibes to me? I’m not sure it’s anything sensible, it’s just a visceral reaction for me. But it’s that particular combo of words- good job or clever girl don’t bother me, for example.
Eta could very well be my own baggage though, my mom is mentally ill so I have some… Stuff to unpack as I move through my own parenting.
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I have the same reaction…I think both because it sounds like what you would say to a pet, and the fact that it’s unnecessarily gendered.
I say good job a lot but am trying to replace that with observational phrases as often as possible after a conversation with a friend/child psychologist. So “you got the ball with both hands!” Or “you pushed up onto your feet, those legs must be feeling strong!” The point is to avoid having every action ‘judged’ by mom as good/pleasing. I’m not militant about it, I just try my best.
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