Extremely good point. I guess I don’t have to choose until I am in labor? I don’t know why it feels like I do.
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I firmly believe that’s part of nesting brain. I remember figuring out so many things felt so urgent, when I was still pregnant, and they really aren’t. But your brain absolutely tells you that you need to have Everything solved before the baby is there. I suppose that would be adaptive from an evolutionary standpoint, but in the days of Amazon and stuff like that it’s not ideal now. 
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Yes! Another big vote here for “learn pain management and have a cascading plan”. Theres definitely people I know whose babies came so fast they straight up didnt have time for it even though they’d decided ahead they wanted one, or like me who decided yes it DID sound like a good idea after all right as baby was about to come out. Because i had read up on pain management and practiced stuff, i could stay calm that i couldn’t get an epidural at that point, but i could definitely see feeling worried if you hadn’t prepared for the possibility. Related: it apparently isnt uncommon to hit a wall much like a marathon right at the point before pushing, I hit it with both my labours. I can’t remember what I’ve seen it called but I’m sure it has a name.
My big thing is: learn and practice the relaxation positions as well as the active ones. Energy management is important and i think some of them are also good positions to get the epidural in.
details of my labours
I was like OW I THINK AN EPIDURAL IS A GOOD IDEA but that was when baby was about to come out.
First baby i felt confident on the inside but that i had to say it out the words “I can’t do this anymore”, and after another contraction it so everything went still and quiet and then the next contraction was urge to push. Ponder was freaking out a bit because he didn’t know about the Wall.
Ponder knew the second baby when I said I couldnt do it any more and wanted it over and sure enough, I had a break where everything stopped and the next one my body wanted to push. That time i was exhausted and really thought i couldn’t do it any more.
Cascading plans are great because they give you so much more power for in-the-moment decisions and that things could go many ways.
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Also i just want to add (not that you said it, but i found myself on a lot of more crunchy, natural pregnancy sites/resources) that if you do decide to go the epidural route, you’re not a failure/less strong etc. I had some people pushing drug-free child birth methods as being better and it in no way means you’re not any less of a bad-ass if you choose drug pain relief! Take that epidural if you need it! (Apologies if this is out of line or anything. I just would have appreciated someone telling me that in the lead up! I ended up getting an epi and felt some guilt initially about it)
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Not out of line! My midwife even had an epidural so feeling no external pressure. I liked the metaphor of, would you go to the dentist and have dental work done unmedicated? Why is childbirth different? (Hint: it’s not!!!)
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Oh yeah, I specifically found a course for pain management that was led by a physiotherapist and promoted stuff to go with epidurals so I felt comfortable they’d be helpful no matter how it went. Also stuff like the TENS machine may be an option, check that out too.
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Could my left hip pain be sciatica??
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This makes SO much sense actually.
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Doom and gloom here
Summary
So in this covid supply chain sideways boat post planning era we live in there are shortages of epidurals chemicals, catheters and anesthesiologists. I know of several regions that have been hit by shortages and women were unable to get their desired pain meds. A few minutes after I gave birth this year the OB on duty casually asked if I hadn’t been able to get an epidural or if I hadn’t wanted one, because both were happening that day
I think going in with a willingness to adapt will serve you well - and I really found having a team strong on informed consent made similar interventions easier the second time. The first time I had no choice about pitocin or breaking my waters, this time I had a choice and chose to break the waters and to wait and see for pitocin and that made a big difference.
Also have your partner prepped to ask questions like “what else happens if we do that” - like with pitocin you are on an IV so your birthing positions are limited (if that matters to you)
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with an epidural you might be able to rest in a long labour, but might not be allowed out of bed
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with breaking your waters labour might speed up, but you are starting a clock towards pitocin and maybe a c section
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and if x intervention is a choice between c section and intervention, will you still need a c section if it doesn’t work?
Personally my goal was low-no interventions, but at certain points on the intervention ladder I would want to skip a step and go higher intervention if the alternative might mean more discomfort with a low chance of better outcome
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I planted a very sketchy garden at appoximately your level of pregnant because I NEEDED it done
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I hired an architect 
not my wisest financial decision…
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Hello friends! I have lots of questions so this will be a bit long.
How worried to I need to be about sleeping on my back? I read in Expecting Better that for the people it is dangerous for, laying on their back isn’t comfortable and they naturally switch positions. I am a side and back sleeper and I don’t really want to look up ways to avoid naturally sleeping on my back unless I need to.
Also when do we need to start looking for birthing classes? Where do you do those? At a hospital? Are birthing classes different than breastfeeding classes?
Thank you @Bracken_Joy for the notes!!
I am a bridesmaid in a wedding the first week of December and need to buy my dress. I have no idea what my body will look like or what size I will be so I don’t know how to buy the dress. Should I buy two sizes and see if I can return one? Should I just buy a size or two bigger than I expect to be?
I am also a bridesmaid at 6 weeks postpartum and I will have no clue on how to buy a dress for that either if I need to buy it at least 8 weeks in advance.
I am still not showing and I am having FEELINGS. I can’t wait to know the gender, start showing, and feeling the baby move. I know everyone experiences these things at different times and I am super tall (6’0") and this is my first kid so I know I cannot predict the timeline any anywhere from 16-22 weeks is normal according to Dr. Google.
Now that I am 17-18 weeks along is there anything else I should start looking into? I am not sure what is required now and what I can do later. I am going to start pelvic floor PT in November.
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Definitely different classes. Both are a good idea. Most hospitals will offer both. Some places like doula centers will also offer them, and in my area a yoga studio does, lol, stuff like that. Local moms groups are a good place to ask for recommendations.
Most people do them third trimester sometime. Not sure how early you’ll need to register, it’ll depend on where you live. Not a bad idea to reserve early though 
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Are you trying on somewhere? Can you pick style? A lot of bridal salons have a false belly you can wear. Empire waists are a good idea.
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All the midwives I saw were totally unconcerned about it. They were team “you’ll turn to your side”.
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I have a dress that is basically a large sack in shiny fabric and it is definitely what I would recommend, adjust neckline/ sleeves for something you like. I will take a photo later. It worked for me for a big birthday party and funeral. For postpartum, a wrap style would be good because chances are high you will still have a baby belly and you will likely want access to pump/ breastfeed.
So, uh, yeah. Sack styles, loose fitting, wrap dress, stretchy fabrics all good. You have no guarantees on how your body will be except that its unlikely to be larger than right before you give birth because everyones body responds differently. Since you need the second dress 8 weeks before and that would be when you are 38weeks pregnant I recommend buying it more like 32 weeks pregnant (and making sure it will look good if you’re larger) because you may give birth early and you also might not be up for dress shopping at 38 weeks! (But, uh, thats my experience of being housebound showing.)
Sorry for garbled sick toddler me no sleep make sense.
Sleeping positions: you’re all good. My body told me when I wasnt able to breathe enough 
and by that point baby was bigger and I was already sleeping on a mountain of pillows.
Um if youre taller theres more room for baby to move. You can ask at your 20 week scan where the placenta is, if its at front a lot of people feel it later and the kicks to front arent as big (but baby can still stick a foot in your lungs). My tall aunt barely showed with her baby. You are an adorable pregnant person regardless.
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It seems like you’re at that sweet spot where there isn’t anything you have to do. Which I know can feel frustrating, but can also be nice and pressure-free, in a way! I really enjoyed talking hypothetically about names around that time. It helped feel like we were starting to know this hypothetical little person. We didn’t know the sex at that point so had two lists. We also went on a short road trip and camped and played in the mountains around this time, and made some nice memories. I know you’ve been traveling far too much so maybe just some special day trips or experiences locally.
Have you started talking about how you’ll handle postpartum time, family leave, and childcare? If you’ll have family or friends coming to help, and if so what boundaries you’d want to set or any specific things you’d want to ask for? I preferred an abrupt, all-at-once leave but my husband stretched his out with part-time so he was home-ish for a longer total time, and that worked out nicely for us. I also did some initial forays into childcare research.
We took a birthing class from an independent doula that my friend recommended, and liked her so much that we hired her as our virtual doula (perfect combination, for me, of warm and calm and an absolute geek about anatomy… also lol 2020). Often the same provider offers birthing & breastfeeding classes, but they’re usually separate classes.
I forget, have you already picked the place you want to give birth? Hospital/birthing center/home? It can be handy to take a birthing class with someone who’s very familiar with the facility. Mine was able to give us magic words like "if you really want a tub ask for rooms 3 or 7” and during labor “oh they totally have a smaller size peanut ball if you’re not comfortable on the big one, ask the nurse next time they come in”.
Do you have any local friends expecting around the same time, or would you maybe look into groups? For me, having some IRL buddies for newborn walks and hikes and compare postpartum/newborn notes was super good for my mental state. If you don’t conveniently have 3 ex-racing buddies all due the same season like I did 
maybe you could also look into local new parent / outdoor parent groups.
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Oh, and having a dependent is apparently a good trigger to start getting wills together. Although FWIW I still owe my lawyer some notes to finish the process and it’s been two whole years since birth.
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This depends on where you live, but I’m planning to get on the daycare list once I hit 14 weeks pregnancy (after I get NIPT results back), to make sure I have a spot for Oct 2023, which is when I expect to be back at work. But my area is crazy and that’s how long a lot of infant care waitlists are, and I want to be sure to be at the same daycare as my older child.
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Err… I need to do this.
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