popping into thread Oh hi
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Crossposting just in case some people in here don’t hang out in the parenting thread:
My SIL was able to get in with the high risk doctor pretty quickly for a repeat ultrasound and follow up.
Good news
The ultrasound confirmed the spot on the heart and the club foot. But the kidney size was within normal range this time. The baby was moving a lot in the first ultrasound, and the doctor thinks the original measurement was likely off due to that.
Also, her bloodwork came back as negative/low risk for Down Syndrome. Between her age, the bloodwork, and ruling out enlarged kidneys, they do not think it’s likely that the baby has Down Syndrome or any of the other genetic disorders they were looking at. At this point they do not think she needs an amnio.
The club foot will need treatment after the baby is born, but with bracing and possibly surgery, it should be correctible. They’re not concerned about the spot on the heart because it shows up in a certain percentage of healthy babies, and the actual heart anatomy is perfect. So for now, she’s back to her midwife for the rest of the pregnancy, and baby will see a specialist about the club foot after they are born.
Thanks so much to everyone who responded, I really appreciate it. It was a roller coaster of a week!
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So glad to hear that things are looking up
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Great to hear she got in with the high risk doctor right away, and got good news. Wishing your new nibling continued smooth sailing!
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So, read through bits of this thread today and laughed to realize that dreams might be a hormonal side effect?
I’ve had some weird vivid ones in the last week or two, including evacuating somewhere in a tiny propeller plane with the entire cast of Call the Midwife? So at least I was in good hands. 
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Oh yeah, the dreams can be wild! Glad you were surrounded by TV midwives 
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Ohhh yeah. One of my friends has INSANE dreams as literally her first pregnancy symptom- it’s what led her to test with second and third kid pregnancies. I had some wild dreams esp with Latte and Tea Leaf pregnancies, not so much Luna interestingly. It was super obvious to me because I almost never remember dreams or have super vivid ones.
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Today’s installment, we (vague) were traveling and a friend said that she had arranged for us to couchsurf at Elon Musk’s house (ew) . He basically ignored us (good!) and did drugs with some guy but his staff was nice.
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I had a really vivid dream about babies the other day and now I’m slightly anxiously waiting for my period
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First smell hypersensitivity, maybe? To pee.
This is an unfortunate combination with the whole drink all the things make blood thing.
No fun dreams last night just a 3am wake up. 
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Not about pregnancy itself but rather about post-partum doulas.
Have folks found a post-partum doula helpful?
If you have, have you gotten daytime or nighttime assistance (or both)?
Very interested in getting more info about people’s experiences. I know there’s been chatter around it before, but… yeah. Gathering the info!
Situationally – we will both be on leave for 12+ weeks and returning to our FT jobs after.
Two first-time parents, both older (38/32, so less energy than young’uns), both with little baby experience otherwise, me dealing with recent loss-of-parent grief, no family in-state. I become an asshole in low sleep/high stress situations and Wizard becomes despondent. Lessening the stress, and maybe upping the sleep, both sound extremely attractive.
We plan on breastfeeding + pumping, so also imagine that a doula with experience in lactation consultation could potentially be very helpful.
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I haven’t (we didn’t want people coming into our house in 2020) but everyone I know who has thought it was a good decision. I think I would have done it for overnights if I had a do-over. Someone to safely care for baby and maximize nighttime sleep would have been worth $$$$ to me.
One thing to think through is how much you will bristle vs appreciate “guidance” from a stranger who’s around a lot of babies but doesn’t know you at all.
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Yeah, this is kind of my thought on the nighttime stuff. Help me make sure my baby is fed and safe and yet I get two more hours of sleep??? That sounds… really good. And not something I can ask my friends to do, and I don’t really want my in-laws around then tbh.
This is a thing I worry about – I wouldn’t normally, but I’m essentially an enraged hungry grizzly bear these days between grief + pregnancy. To say I’m touchy is perhaps an understatement.
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I had a hard time sleeping because of PPA and worrying that if I slept something bad would happen to baby(even though baby was alone in the crib, she was fine!!)
So, having another trusted adult would have helped sooooo much (my mom fell asleep with baby in the rocking chair the first time she tried to help and my spouse was working overnights in a lab almost immediately after Pipsqueak was born).
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I don’t have experience with a doula but I find every opportunity I can to tell people that post partum depression is just as common in men as women. Their hormones change too (testosterone lowers to not reproduce immediately and become less reckless). Many of the men I know who have recently become fathers started antidepressants and it has changed their view of parenthood and roles as parents for the better.
Please keep this in mind through the chaos of having a baby and know that there are options for help for both of you!!! Rightfully so there is a lot of focus on the mom/birthing parent but it is just as important to keep the mental health of the dad/non birthing parent front and center.
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To answer your doula question, I do have friends who have done it. They said it was helpful but did have to interview and find the right fit. Their first one was not a good fit.
Your circumstance is different from mine but not being pregnant was such a fantastic relief the post partum was actually more bearable than I thought.
I wouldn’t worry too much about the lactation support. I bet your hospital has a support group and there are lots of folks here (me!) who would be happy to brainstorm and share experiences. I found the lactation support groups extremely helpful because every time I went there were 2-5 other moms feeding their babies, asking different questions than me, etc. they can be a little pushy on “breast is best” but I knew going into it I was a “fed is best” person and was able to take what I liked and what worked and leave the rest.
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Thank you for this PPD/PPA in non-birthing parents is one of those things I know about but am also so displeased that no one talks about the fact that having a baby! also affects non-birthing partners!!! at all times!
It looks like they do have one – I hadn’t thought to look for this so YAY.
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I didn’t use one, but my mom was one for several years, so if you have questions from that perspective maybe I can help? She had many many different types of clients over the years. She is non medical but was lactation trained and doula certified and did exactly what you’re asking about, the overnight thing.
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I probably would have died if I hadn’t had a combo of family members and friends doing postpartum doula-y things. It would have been even better if they didn’t want to do guesty things.
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