Hi! I have noticed several folks mentioning how they are trying to be more intentional about their phone/technology use, often in relation to raising kids. If there is not already a discussion about this topic on OMD, I’d love to start one!
I’ll admit that much of my motivation around this topic is due to reading The Anxious Generation. Their partner organization, Let Grow, is less focused on phone use but very much about getting out and having experiences in The Real World.
I’ll throw up an intro post on myself/my situation soon. But in the meantime, anyone who is interested in this, come on over!
About me:
–33 y/o married mom of an 18-month-old daughter, who already knows that phones are where it’s at and tries to grab mine constantly
–classroom teacher (although out of work currently, that’s another story)
I recently read The Anxious Generation and am pretty on board with his suggestions on what guardrails need to be in place for minors around their use of phones and social media. But I am looking for some guidance on how people my age and older can curb our phone use so we set a better example and, most importantly, be more present for those around us.
For example: I signed up for a library program where I log what books my daughter reads, 1000 Books Before Kindergarten. I like the idea of having a list of all the books she’s read! But this means that during those intimate moments, where she’s on my lap and we’re reading Goodnight Moon, my brain is like “I have to log this before I forget.” Then I grab my computer and do it while she’s right there. Then I get distracted by 9 other things and then she gets frustrated at me. I guess the easy answer is I don’t have to do this library program; I can just keep a log on paper or something. But it’s just one of many examples where the work of parenting or home admin is most easily accessed via tech, and it takes us away from the people we’re supposed to be caring for.
I wonder if anyone has experience with the “dumb-phones” that I hear about sometimes. I’m thinking of making the switch to one, but things like photos and Google Maps are the main reasons I am hesitant to try it.
hello! I’ll make a proper post for me at some point. but given your example: what if you were to use an existing notebook (or buy a new one) and make that log physical, and a fun activity for you both? maybe she can help decorate it! and that way you can put the information in later.
I’ve been hearing some criticism of The Anxious Generation recently, specifically around the research presented in it and whether or not technology is the cause of increasing anxiety or something that is happening alongside it. There is an argument that in banning children from social media we could end up further isolating them, given a lot of the other social opportunities kids had in the past have been disappearing. It’s true that when I don’t let my older daughter online, she then turns to books, writing and craft to keep her occupied and while these are great things, none are offering social connections either. I try to take her to the playground after school most days so she can play with friends for an hour or so but as she gets older the number of kids in the playground is dwindling. Sometimes it’s just us.
That said, I too would like to be more intentional with my phone use. It is easy to be distracted by it. My kids are pretty honest with us about it at the moment. We’ve told them it’s ok to remind us to if we have been looking at our phones too long. I kind of hope then they won’t get mad when we offer the same reminders?
I have two kids. 7 and 3. My 7 year old is campaigning to get an iPad. She will get one when she is in grade 4 for school but we have been delaying it before then. Specifically she has difficulty managing her time with the TV or switch. She will insist for example on school holidays that she wants to watch this and play that and then get very angry and emotional when there isn’t enough time in the day to do something else outside of the TV. I want to work with her on that first before adding another digital distraction but we have made no real progress yet.
A lot of her friends are online. She plays with our neighbors and they all have iPads. I’ve had her come home once distressed about accidentally seeing a gore video on YouTube. That kind of thing also really concerns me.
When she does have her own iPad I worry it’s going to be a minefield. I think it’s really important for kids to have privacy and have their adults respect that but at the same time it’s my job and I want to protect her from all the things that aren’t age appropriate or that are dangerous online. The line between being overly controlling of young people and keeping them safe can be blurry sometimes. The latter can be high stakes but I don’t think it necessarily warrants sweeping bans and closing down opportunities for them to connect with each other online.
I think by the time I was 12 I was chatting to my friends on the phone most nights and those conversations were vital to me, they helped me navigate adolescence which was sometimes very dark and difficult. There is a push to not give kids mobile phones but we also don’t have a home phone so if they aren’t online, they don’t have a phone, and their friends don’t live close and they don’t have a big family with a few brothers and sisters close in age to talk to, there is just parents and a lot of kids need someone else.
TLDR: handling technology with my kids makes me an anxious parent.
I am definitely IN! After realizing that my phone use was SUPER high (I can say that I passed days in my bed scrolling), I decided I needed to change. I read a lot of books about the effects of too much screen time and I saw the effects of having too much screen time on myself. I successfully put daily limits and respected them, and I did social media « fasts » from time to time. But since the pandemic all these good habits went out the window. I had days where most of my waking hours were spent scrolling in my bed. I would like to be back to a heathier relationship with my phone.
In regards to my own phone use I read digital minimalism and implemented some of those ideas and it worked pretty well for a month or so. I was very present and also had more time to do things outside of parenting and being online. I had it set up so social media time was scheduled because of the admin I have to do on it, but eventually the list of things I was missing grew (the ability to post updates any time to the playgroup I run, getting updates from my kid’s P&C, all communication with other parents from school is via Facebook messenger rather than phone numbers, etc…).
I abandoned it completely and deleted the app blocking software when my suburb flooded and the disaster recovery was entirely organized via the apps I had blocked. I tried to implement it again but would end up disabling it at the first inconvenience and ultimately decided it had become more trouble than the improvements it gave.
I’m probably online a bit less having gone through the process. I also haven’t returned to some platforms or have returned in a scaled back way.
I am ALWAYS trying to cut back on phone use. Also interested in talking about how folks navigate having a spouse with differing behaviors/opinions. Taking the @Bernadette road rn and only controlling what is within my control (me) but I do worry DH is missing out on bonding time with Ravioli and setting a bad example
Then again we have grandparents who blast MSNBC and speaker phone calls all day long so who knows. He’s going to see a range regardless of what I do
Ohhh I am so frustrated on your behalf by this! I think it speaks to a lesser willingness on our generation’s part to interact in person, have landlines, etc. Why are we surprised that we are having a harder time finding friends, making community, etc when everything is in an app?
I’m also frustrated because Mr Pancakes is not on Facebook. He has messenger but he doesn’t use the main app or website and his parents are always praising him for how great that is and how good for the kids to see not all adults use it and I’m like he can only do that because I’m on it. I could leave it if he was on it checking on and doing the online life admin stuff regularly. I get the social invites and respond, I keep on top of what is happening at school, I run the playgroup in an attempt to keep a group of parents and grandparents meeting in person every week. One of us has to be doing at least some of that stuff.
oooohhh no! I left FB a few years ago, but that was pre-kid. It was definitely the right decision at the time and I don’t miss it, but I do think I’m missing out on some things like playgroups, etc. So I’m kind of on the other side of it–opted out but then also missing out. My spouse has it but would never step up to doing the social admin that you can do on there so we’re just both kind of out of it. I wonder if it will stay that way.
