I don’t want to appear to be minimizing or belittling anyone’s anxiety about what is happening with this virus – it is truly scary and unsettling.
That being said, I am typically a rather anxious person, so it has surprised me a bit to see how comparatively little anxiety I have about the whole situation. I’ve been able to focus pretty well on my own circles of control/influence and keep a pretty even keel so far. I am even getting along with DH somewhat better as I try to be the calm adult in the house (he is freaking out a lot more about both the virus and the markets) – have found it easier to put some things on the back burner or just drop them for now, as they will resolve in time as we move back toward a more normal life.
I think one part of this is that I am very comfortable with my own mortality. Maybe it is having been through some traumatic experiences with the sudden death of those close to me when I was young – I know you can be gone in an instant. Maybe it is having walked away from several car accidents that could have killed me. Maybe it was helping my mom make the decision to start taking morphine as her congestive heart failure worsened. I do know I don’t want to put my family or doctors through having to make decisions if I end up getting this thing and need a vent. It should probably go to someone else. I’m 51 and despite some struggles have had a mostly great life. My family will be fine without me financially, and hopefully emotionally. I am not suicidal – I definitely don’t want to die. But if the shit hits the fan and tough decisions have to be made, I think I would be ready to tell the doctors to give that vent to the 35 year old parent with toddlers at home. Or the 21 year old college student whose whole life is still ahead of them. They need it more than I do. And knowing I could make that decision gives me some peace.
Am I totally weird?