Don’t. It’s not worth your time and energy, the best you can do is support your boyfriend when any arguments happen.
Stand your ground and remain calm. If you’re ever in each other’s presence and he says that, you can say “We don’t say that, that’s racist.” “What do you mean by that when you say that word?” “Boyfriend/your son has asked you not to use that word, please don’t say that.”
No matter what you do, this either will not change him or will not change him overnight. It may be better to focus your energy elsewhere, on MIL, on siblings, on your family, on friends.
ETA: It feels silly, but if you’re serious about engaging in discussions, deflecting or de-escalating situations, practice your responses out loud. In the car, in the shower. When you’re thinking about what you would say, think out loud.
My town is about 25,000 (majority white) plus 20,000 students (more mixed) when college is in session. We have had a few peaceful protests and I’m pretty proud.
There have been protests in all 50 states. We might feel divided but this picture made me feel like we’re all united too. (Broadly speaking, of course.)
This makes a lot of sense. FIL is a flat-earther when it comes to race. You can’t argue with him, it’s like talking to a wall. He thinks the Bible says African Americans are evil (the mark of Cain) and no amount of discussion can sway him. Especially if you’re a satan-worshipping witch like me, haha. (Note, I am neither a witch or a satanist but he thinks I am both at the same time, which… I don’t think is possible unless you are Sabrina?)
I saw this on b as bcentres how not to be a racist thread and wanted to share it…self segregation and bootstrapping both stand out as of related.
Also, there, here, and everywhere I see people and me asking why there are conflicting answers to how not to be racist…um, because individuals have different priorities . I reminded me today
Definitely seen and done a lot of the covert stuff. This is a great image for me to use to check on mine and other’s behaviour regularly. Thanks for sharing it.
I tried to find info about protests here last weekend and failed so stayed at home. Information about this weekend also seems to be mixed, maybe something tonight?
And is it just to make me feel better or would it be a meaningful & helpful act?
I got over my own awkwardness and reached out to two black coworkers today by chat to ask how they were doing. “Hey there, before we get too much into our work day, with all the craziness going on in the news the last couple weeks I just wanted to take a minute to ask - how are you?”
They both appreciated it and we had good conversations. They each asked how I was doing and I tried to not make it too much about me (I was raised that you talk about yourself and the other person in the conversation can jump in to say something about themselves through like kind of free association, it’s an ongoing thing to be mindful and not fall back on that in casual conversation.) Got some good kids books recommendations too.
Whew, what a week. I think the strangest feelings I’ve had have been around seeing some people I follow online, who I thought I kind of knew, turn out to be either totally silent or outright racist. On the upside I’m (and lots of others too) getting much better at aggressively calling people out, which is not something I’m comfortable with at all, but I know understand why it’s so necessary. It is getting easier the more I do it, too.
I think that’s what I’ve been thinking about the most: all the times I could have said something and didn’t because it was easier not to. I want men to call out sexism and they usually don’t, I want able people to call out ableism and they usually don’t, but I’m white and I don’t call out racism? That’s such bullshit! Anyway, that’s what I’m working on and what I’ve learned.
I’m trying to focus on local stuff now. I did a lot of national stuff yesterday but obviously focusing on this 24/7 is not sustainable and I don’t want to burn out, so I’m writing up kind of a pledge on what I am going to do going forward. If others are interested in doing this too I highly recommend it! It’s just for myself, not for public sharing because obviously able people will lecture me if I do that (lol), but I feel like I can do more than I’ve done in the past. Since I have limited capacity I’m going to laser focus on my city and just commit to being a fly in their face for the next <insert years I’m alive>.
Currently my city is planning to gut basically all our public services including homeless outreach (I live in a poor city) and simultaneously give a 14 million increase to police, who already eat about 1/4 of our budget. I know this is probably not a popular view here but… these fucking unions are out of control.
@plainjane There are many lanes of activism. Protesting in person is just one of them and it’s okay if you choose another. I think if you truly believe things must change, taking action will matter (in addition to making yourself feel better).
Thank you for the links. I want the count to be higher, I want people who look like me to know that this is a central human rights issue, not an extremist movement of Other People.
We didn’t make our regular donation this Feb because of the shadowy one’s layoff and our uncertainty there, but I will commit to doing that that this weekend and do a bit more research & discussion with the shadowy one as to where of the multitude of options.
. I reminded me today 