No experience myself, but I feel like even they/them is hard enough to get people to use, so I’ve never really considered them.
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I feel like folks in my area are getting decently good at using they/them, but I’m also switching up circles soon (going from work to school) and it’s hard to say what the temperature is on any of these issues.
I am fortunate so far that she/her/hers is fine, they don’t bother me, but they’re also not a great fit. The next default is they/them/theirs which is better, but still…not quite there.
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I have this same experience with dresses. I feel unsafe and vulnerable in dresses. Some of that is me stuff from my childhood, but I have almost always felt very uncomfortable in dresses.
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Then try the ones you like best and see how it feels? Pronouns are all about exploration and not permanent change.
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Thanks for sharing the negative experiences re: dresses. Always good to remember people have such varied life experiences!
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I’ve actually never heard this term before!
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I mean, yes, I can try some out, but what I’m asking for is if anyone has any experience with them, not what I should do. I wouldn’t say that pronouns are about exploration, they’re about identity.
It’s a newer term for me, as well! It seems to include pronouns outside of he/she/they. Some examples include xe, ze, ko, ci.
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What I meant was that it can take some exploration to find out what fits. When I was still doing support groups, a frequent post type would be someone asking people to refer to them by a certain pronoun just so they could feel how it felt.
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I was in a circle with people who used (new word!) Neopronouns. They worked in that circle if everyone remembered that we were using non native pronouns. Whereas I find that they/them work at a much higher success rate. It is easy and natural for most native language speakers to remember who takes she/he/they. When I add ze/le(lee)/and xo; I may call a she a xo and a ze a they all through good intentions (especially drunk, excited, or when I barely remember their name). In general the community was fluid and okay with people saying “ze - wait, is it Sarah who goes by ze?” But a few people got very angry and upset, including with people who weren’t native English speakers or were super new to gender diversity and trying hard. I think this ruined it for a lot of people.
Basically, it’s harder for the person taking the pronouns and their community. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t if it’s right for them.
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I’ve never heard “neopronouns” as a phrase either, despite being familiar with a bunch of them (especially xe and ze). I like it!
I agree with Elle that in terms of uptake they/them is easier and more natural for most native English speakers than the neopronouns, and also that neopronouns being harder than they/them doesn’t mean someone shouldn’t use the pronouns that are right for them.
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Xe or ze were the common non-binary pronouns in my social circles until just a couple of years ago.
In my mind switching to they/them felt a lot harder than using xe or ze 
(only because of singular vs plural confusion for a lot of people at first)
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So, this is a technology forward question, but does anyone know if text-to-speech software has caught up to the neopronouns? I know some of my friends who rely on that were running into trouble when the reader hit those. (This is in no way a judgement on the words or people. Just wondering if anyone has experience with the tech catching up)
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@druidessie have you seen this? Someone in my BN group was asking for this Vogue magazine featuring Harry Styles in a lot of cool dresses.
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I’ve heard about the story but hadn’t gone looking for the pictures 
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I’ve written a blurb or two about this in my personal journal: I came out as Non-Binary to my siblings, partner, father, and two moms-in-law. Also a handful of friends.
It didn’t feel like a big deal to me, more like informing them of a minor life event. Everyone’s been pretty positive about it.
I thought the only change would be how I think/feel/refer to myself, but now I feel like I need to update my legal records to the fullest extent possible in my state. Thankfully Washington has rolled out a Gender X option for birth certificates and official state IDs in the last two years. I have heard that it’s a much easier process than it was even in 2018 when you could update your binary options from one to the other, but now I have some homework to do.
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I saw this on FB today and immediately thought of this thread. I really like the questions it poses as a starting point for pondering.
Let me know if anyone has trouble accessing it and I’ll save and repost the photos on here.
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Reading that made me a little emotionally exhausted until I got to the slide that was “you may not have a gender” … hahaha yepppppp
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I went through the questions and definitely feel like a woman mostly, occasionally leaning slightly fluid towards “no gender” but never towards “man.” The idea of being assumes to be male simply makes me cringe. I am never so repulsed being assumed to be female.
I always assumed I was totally cis because I don’t have a speck of me that wants to be male, but I have a bit of me that just doesn’t feel exactly female some days. I don’t know if that makes me gender fluid; I’ve always considered it simply a feeling of my style for the day. Is it gender expression though, or an expression of some other emotion that day? Am I wearing a dress because I feel female or because I feel flirtatious? Am I wearing form-hiding clothes because I feel gender neutral or because I want to feel cozy or am depressed or am having a “wanna look like a lesbian for that other cute lesbian in the office” day? I can’t imagine only ever wearing feminine clothing, even if it’s subtly feminine rather than “pink and frills and lace.” Even my favorite dress, the very chill grey one? Nope, can’t do it. Some days it will just feel wrong. Is that a gender thing or just a whim thing?
Much to contemplate.
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Could be a gender thing, could be a gender expression thing, could be a whim thing.
On the one hand, I don’t feel pressure to choose a specific identity, on the other hand it would be so much easier to take a 100 question quiz that would immediately say, “THIS is what you are.”
Anyway, definitely here for the journey.
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This was so interesting! Thanks for sharing.
It was a hard exercise for me. Mostly this is what I learned:
- Long hair is important to my gender expression. So maybe I could spend some time taking care of it and not feel so guilty.
- I hate shaving and I’m probably going to be lazy about it forever, but I like having the option because I think it’s pretty
- I think I might have some internalized misandry (not a shock to anyone I suppose) but I really am grumpy about it because I have a son and he’s the best
- …related, I am STILL defaulting mentally to so many gender norms as a mom for my son, even as I try to diversify his movies and toys (that’s all I can think to do for a 2yr old rn). And I feel like a fail at it.
- I’m a big fan of my gender
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