Freudian Slips/Phrasing!

What unfortunate things have you said that totally made sense before they came out of your mouth, and then you heard yourself and went “Oh fuck.”

I once was a TA in a lab and a student asked if I had a sec. As the lab was empty except two students, I exclaimed “SURE I HAVE LOTS OF SECS.” Thus accidentally declaring my promiscuity. I’m glad there were only two people there.

Also, just after I bought my house, I knew were some little things I needed to patch and fix up. My realtor took us out to dinner, and I declared, “now that I have a house, I need some caulk!” Her horrified face prompted me to correct “caulking, and a caulking gun… to fix up the shower.”

siiiigh

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Probably my worst was at a fudge tasting with one of my pediatric patients. She’s in a wheelchair. She kept asking for more and more samples. I exclaimed loudly “man if you eat too much more, I’ll have to roll you out of here!” :flushed: the fudge counter lady looked at me appalled. Luckily this kiddo has a fantastic sense of humor and thought I was being purposely clever and thought it was hilarious. So, so internally awkward.

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Not me, but I recently attended some huge all-department meeting where the presenter meant to say “We’ve had success” but it came out “We’ve had sex.”

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Something I intended to say but forgot my audience. About a week ago I was fitting a male dog for an assistive harness. A lady had come in with her two young sons… maybe roughly 9 years old? This harness has a regular option or a “U-band” construction for the rear piece to accommodate certain instances of male anatomy. I just straight up asked her “does Fluffy have a large penis?”, completely forgetting she had two young boys with her, as I wasn’t facing her and was digging though our stock. Omg, they burst out laughing so hard. Luckily she wasn’t concerned about it. The dog did end up needing the “big dick harness” too, so I guess it was good I checked?

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Thought of another. In college, it came up at a study group I was in that I didn’t actually need to be taking the last term of Biochemistry to graduate. Upon being asked why on earth I’d take such a hard class without needing to, I helpfully explained: “I like being mentally challenged!”

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I need more explanation on this one. How do you pronounce “caulk”? Wait, coke? I would pronounce it like cork.

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Cock. Like penis. She thought I was saying I needed dick.

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Once when working as a teen librarian I had a local shop donate a bunch of booster packs of Magic the Gathering cards. I gave them to the teens and had them pose for a big group picture with the packs to send to the shop as part of a thank you letter. Some of the teens gave each other bunny ears, some struck funny poses, etc. One kid bit the booster pack and had it hanging out of his mouth. I saw it while taking the picture, thought it was clever, and said, “Nice. I like it in the mouth.” To a room full of teenage boys.

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I didn’t get this one either
@Greyweld thanks for clarifying.

My kiwi mates would say deck around anyone cause it sounds like dick to Aussie ears. But that’s not really Freudian slips just accents

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I had people in to give me the caulk this week and I have been telling everyone all about how bad I needed the caulk and how much better everything feels and how nice the man with the giant caulk was.

But I think it’s a know your audience thing.

I put in a request online and he showed up with my caulk as needed. Took his time applying it and was very sweet.

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OOOH I have a great one for this.

I am a co-chair for a young professionals board associated with a major Seattle attraction. A few weeks ago, the Board of Trustees had their annual retreat. My co-chair and the chair of my YP board were invited to participate in the full weekend of board meetings and strategic planning. Huge deal, as there are countless people who have shaped the PNW and their industries in the room. o.O

Everyone was allowed to bring a guest, and the guests were allowed to participate in all of the meetings. At the very first meeting – not even 10 minutes into the weekend – we’re asked to introduce our guests. I brought my SO with me, and he’s sitting right next to me. I get handed the microphone and …

INTRODUCE MYSELF WITH HIS LAST NAME.

I was going to say my name and his name, but wires crossed and I introduced myself with his last name. The whole room went up in jocularity and chuckles, as well as a few jokes as to whether we had neglected to inform folks about our recent engagement. We’re not married, not planning on getting married, and aren’t engaged. And that’s OK. We’ve had plenty of pressure, but we’re happy as we are.

Turns out that even though I wanted to hide under the table and dig myself a hole into the middle of the Earth, it was a pretty darn good ice breaker for him, as he knew fewer folks in the room.

So, whoops. We’ll hear about this one for a while. (I think I was up to 16-20 mentions in 48 hours by the end of the Retreat.)

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