Hm, not in our cabinets but in our living space: yes. I think if he were on his own my husband would live in a white cube with nothing in it, lol. So he feels like we have a ton of stuff. In reality, when most people come over they’re like, “omg you are so neat where is your stuff”. I do have a massive bike that’s in his office, that’s one big thing, but he was in favor of me getting it. I also have a lot of disability-related stuff that takes up an annoying amount of space. I think the cords to all my heated things drive him the most insane. And it took him a while to adapt to the number of pillows I require.
With that ^ I think he had to kind of get over his whole thing about owning actual stuff. I vaguely recall (it was a long time ago) a Serious Conversation where I had to explain that he was making me feel shitty for just, needing things. And that I shouldn’t be made to feel bad about that because I didn’t make him feel bad about needing his things (like he’s an introvert and needs lots of alone time, which I have always given freely whenever asked). I think that got through to him. Half of his family is, for lack of a better word, white trash (like animals shitting inside, and you leave it there) so I think some of his fear was that he would become a hoarder with filthy surroundings. He had to kind of work through that on his own and realize that is just not our situation at all.
I think now our balance is intuitive. He accepts there is some stuff in his office due to space constraints (his workout stuff takes up a lot of space now too). And I accept that I have to be much cleaner than I would be on my own. But yeah it took a little wiggling to get to that point!
ETA: Oh and guess who fucking loves all the pillows now? LOL. He’s all “this is so COMFORTABLE!” haha, like totally shocked by it. Yah bro, that’s why I got them!
My husband keeps putting our couch throw pillows in the attic, haha.
He’s also convinced that we live like hoarders. I’m not nearly as neat as he is, and we have a 5.5 year old and a 3 year old, so… we have lots of random THINGS.
He’s definitely right about the clutter, but it’s a long process for me. I’m way more nostalgic about things, and I also just don’t see some of the clutter that bothers him. I notice when he’s cleaned it all up and it’s nice and neat and calm, but before then it’s just invisible to me. I’m working on it (slowly).
Oh also re: this part. We do clean outs a lot and I love it. Like probably 4 times a year I cull things and that has really helped. Granted I grew up moving a lot and so did he, so neither of us are pack rat inclined. But maybe a kind of “spring cleaning” could help? Is she very emotional about getting rid of things? Maybe framing it as charity could help if so.
Me too! This is so me. The other day my husband apologized that there was a stain on the inside of my trash can in my bathroom. And I just burst out laughing. Like as if in any universe I would ever even notice that.
Trying to limit my active forum-ing to the morning, so I’m back now!
This is a great comparison, it really is a set point that’s different for everyone.
I feel like comfort with clutter, amount of stuff you have, etc. is so tied up in family of origin stuff for most of us. I can totally empathize with my in-laws who came from Vietnam with very little and understand why their relationship to stuff will not be the same as mine, and I don’t want to live among all of the boxes and shelves that my mother-in-law has. Everything is clean and tidy and I’m sure she knows where everything is, and just being in their house can stress me out. Too many boxes!
We really need more throw pillows! Someone in my house I won’t name bites and humps them when he’s not being watched, but we could be so much more comfortable.
My wife is like this too! She’s nostalgic and also really creative, so she sees the potential in everything. They’re great qualities that make life more fun, even though I don’t understand why she won’t part with the hot sauce making kit that’s been sitting untouched on our shelf for 1.5 years.
@Bernadette something that might help your friend is a packing party. The original idea is extreme - you pack up everything in your house, and only open a box and take something out when you need it. After a certain amount of time, you open all the boxes and look at all this s*** wondering why you were keeping it around for so long.
There are two main benefits. One, the stuff loses the endowment effect, which makes objects seem more valuable just by the virtue of owning them. Two, you’ve experienced the benefit of living in a spacious, clutter free home.
Maybe this could work on a smaller scale. Pack up all the gadgets and stuff that haven’t been used in a while, and put a box in the basement or the back of a closet.
Had some tears last night when I gave away my great-aunt’s buttonholer.
Long story
She had given me my grandmother (who passed before I was born) cabinet sewing machine, but we passed it on a few years ago because it was in disrepair and I didn’t have a good place to keep it. I kept the buttonholer, because I wanted to keep something of my grandmother and great-aunt (who was my godmother).
But I have no use for it, and I have no good place to store it. So I put it on buy nothing and the person who is getting it restores old singers. It makes so much more sense that they should have it.
But so many tears because I missed my great aunt’s funeral. It was a month after I lost my first pregnancy, I was in a horrible place, and flights were over $1,000. I could have afforded it, but I don’t think I could have handled it. But I have so much guilt that I wasn’t there for her. But isn’t that silly? She wasn’t there either, she wouldn’t know, and the whole family understood.
Still, it felt like I was giving away a piece of her, and I shouldn’t do that.
But really, I didn’t want the object. I still love her.
So, one thing out of the house, a million more to go.
2 sports bras, padding (why do I keep those inserts when I never use them?), and 2 pairs of pants into the trash. Everything is too worn out to be donated.
I have been thinking about my cd collection that still remains. Most of them are burned disks, and well, I don’t have a CD player in the house or in either car? Could be something else that gets “looked at” today.
Edit - they all went bye bye.
I also have one light jacket I have moved/started the donate pile so far. Work zip ups have been moved to the spare room since until I actually go to work related stuff I don’t need to wear the branded jackets.
I have been trying to get rid of these giant piles of clothing for weeks. I’ve just been shuffling the piles around from closet to floor to basement to closet. Finally was able to take it all to goodwill. PHEW.
I reorganized my pantry today! I feel like it still looks kind of messy? I’m thinking about getting a can organizer but I don’t know if it will solve my problem since I have cans of varying sizes! Like, evaporated milk comes in a smaller can, a lot of imported stuff I have (fave beans, jackfruit, etc.) come in bigger cans. If anyone has a good idea for can organization I am listening! I’d like to be able to stack them higher without them toppling.
This doesn’t really count as decluttered because i will be buying a replacement, but i needed to mark that i have used up the masking tape that i think i took from my parents when i moved out the summer after second year university
Child wanted toy cars to play with (and his rotation is super lean right now) so I got out his cars and checked through everything. Moved baby stuff to a baby bin and tried to find more to toss. Unfortunately it seems like what seems like every toy ever made who could need this much… isn’t that much and I couldn’t figure out what to toss. Maybe some stuffed toys? Not the ones with feelings, but maybe a few others? Grandparents also want to update their rotation so that’s taken care of.
I want to declutter more, but I think a lot of remaining clutter is not mine to declutter. Or else useful shit that we store as clutter because we don’t have hidden storage brains
It looks really good! Are those homemade chocolate chip cookies in your pantry? I would like to live in your pantry, thanks.
For cans, what about a more open-ended tweak? It looks like you’re not using the full height of the top 2 shelves (the white shelf and the top silver one). Maybe a shelf mounted above the silver one would give you more surface area, and not need to stack so much.
so much shit around right now.
