Sorry. Hugs - I think you are making amazing progress toward what you want.
2 Likes
I almost feel like this is the worst part of things. You’re making a difficult decision, your parents are not entirely supportive and don’t understand, and everything is weird and foreign (for you and for them, just in a different ways.)
Once it’s done and over and you’ve healed, it will just become a non-issue. You’ll be happier with your body, your parents will have gotten over it, and it will become A Thing of the Past That No Longer Gets Discussed.
Also, yeah, weight loss only does so much (really not much at all.) And being concerned about problems during surgery is not worth worrying about AT ALL. You are young and healthy. You’re probably more likely to die by getting hit by a bus walking to work than during surgery. (Watch out for those buses, please 
)
Big hugs.
10 Likes
This post made me feel heart-squeezy. 
6 Likes
I love that shirt!!
3 Likes
Please listen to LW, who knows what is up.
4 Likes
You are my best Oro and you are being all the kinds of brave. I’m glad that you are being brave and strong through the feelings, even if it feels very very hard
4 Likes
You’ve got this in the bag, Oro! Medical things that bring up both logistical issues and emotional issues are the worst kind.
So turns out my insurance covers… not a damn cent when it comes to gender-related surgeries. This is enraging, but also freeing in a way? It’ll be very expensive, but I might be able to cut a lot of red tape by paying out of pocket. Sure, I could try to change to a better plan, but I’d have to wait for next year’s open season and I’m not willing to wait. It’ll cut into my savings, but I can afford it, and I’m really excited to have this opportunity with a lot of great surgeons in my area. When it’s all said and done, this surgery will almost certainly be the largest single purchase I’ve ever made; but I keep telling myself, plenty of people spend $10k+ to renovate their homes, why shouldn’t I pay to make my body a nicer place to live in? 
16 Likes
YES. Frankly, I very well might CHOOSE this route. Just to save time and emotional pain of dealing with bullshit. I’m sorry your insurance is made of BUTTS though. 
This is the greatest sentence.
PS I’m glad we’re both on this journey here. 
It’s nice to not be here alone.
11 Likes
Two things:
- I talked to my brother and sister-in-law about this whole subject, trying to head off any parental bean-spilling
They are both WONDERFUL HUMANS. They did a textbook perfect response, which was to be like, “woh, big decision! Let us know how to support you and if your pronouns change. Science is cool.”
I fucking love these kids.
- Today is my appointment with my primary care doc. I have a massive list of questions prepared and AM READY TO GET MANY ANSWERS.
I am also nervous.
And my brain is also telling me what if you don’t want this. what if this is extreme. what if you’re lying to yourself. what if you just did nothing. nothing is easy. nothing is safe. things are fiiiine.
:<
17 Likes
GOOD JOB BRO AND SIL.
7 Likes
Excellent news about your brother and SIL! I am glad you have such good humans in your life.
Also, Brains can be dumb sometimes.
Also, also, this surgery has the highest patient satisfaction rate out of, like, all the surgeries ever.
6 Likes
Brains are super duper dumb sometimes.
Facts:
- Even on chest neutral days (aka days where being femme and seen as femme doesn’t bother me at all), I’m not chest positive – a thing to remember.
- Even on chest neutral days, the way my chest sits means IT TOUCHES ME and I find that gross and bad.
12 Likes
I feel like this is something especially important to remember, because even though this is on a chest neutral day, your chest is not being neutral.
5 Likes
screams into the void
Yeah.
I think “chest neutral” to me means, “not actively harming me that much it’s FINE EVERYTHING"S FINE TODAY”
Which.
Yes.
Might not actually be the same as “neutral.”
7 Likes
Big gold stars to Bro and SIL! And you are simply awesome.
3 Likes
Discussion with primary care doctor was “fine” – we spoke for 25 minutes and went over my list of questions. Mostly it was just confirmation of what I already knew, no magical knowledge beyond that, sadly. But it was good to have it talked through with an actual medical provider and not just Dr. Google.
Things I did learn:
- From her experience with this provider/insurance combo I will be shit out of luck getting top surgery covered without 12 months of being on T, possibly also 12 months of “living as my gender of choice.” So I’m going to move along without insurance. Because I want to do this on my timeline, whatever that is. And I want to change my body how I want, whatever that may look like.
- Currently not planning on pursuing T. That may change, but for the moment it’s not a perfect match for what I want. I want to be soft on some days. Some days I like having soft edges quite a lot.
I don’t want to be, microdosing or not, shuffled into a different binary that also doesn’t fit.
20 Likes
I like your siblings. Also you. And I think your doctor too
2 Likes
I saw your musings on your other journal and wondered if something like an AA or AAA cup size would work. Here’s a website for small breasted women with lots of images: https://www.littlewomen.com/
Those breasts all still look very female-presenting, rather than neutral, to me.
3 Likes