I have considered that but my heart just breaks at the thought of leaving the cats for that long. They are more bonded to me than to Boyfriend. They would be sad. I would be sad. I don’t think I can. I cried when I left them for 3 days for a vacation, FFS.
It is an interesting idea. But - I’d have to rent a car for a couple of months. It is a stretch for us just paying our one rent in Chicago, together. Paying a second rent in Austin or Orlando does not feel do-able, as I’d have to be sending $1000/month home to Boyfriend to cover my share of Chicago rent. That plus a second rent payment (and the hassle of having to find a short-term lease or sublet or AirBNB or similar), plus car rental expenses… I can’t afford it.
Re a true WFH setup: not going to happen. I recently requested 1 day a week of WFH. Which I did get. After my request got run up the flagpole all the way up to the VP level for approval. (that’s 3 levels above me). And my boss was questioned heavily as to why I needed this (oddly, they never came directly to me?) and had to fudge a reason that would be acceptable to the overlords. I didn’t ask her to do that, she just did, I would have accepted a no though not been happy about it.
At any rate: all of that just for 1 day a week of WFH, where I’m still living in the same city and able to hop on the train and come in should the need arise. One reason I asked for this was with an eye to eventually getting approved for full-time remote work but it’s pretty clear that’s not going to happen. Our VP wants butts in seats whenever possible. Sigh.
Are you sure you want to move? IMHO it sounds like you want a place nearly identical to where you are now, but warmer and cheaper. If that doesn’t exist (I think you would have found it by now if it did) then maybe you’re better off staying put?
I want to push back on the “can’t afford this” - you can choose other reasons to not do it, but moves are expensive, and moving the “wrong place” is even more expensive if you end up moving a second time. If you couldn’t afford a month or two in a different state, you can’t afford a move.
To me, it sounds like you would need about $3000 extra to do this - rent in Chicago, and presumably a car (though I think you could move somewhere you don’t need a car). Like $3000 is a doable amount, if it would make a big difference to your happiness, especially with 7 months to plan before the next winter, and a drop in the bucket compared to moving 2 people and cats across the country. That amount is a side hustle for the next 7 months - It also could not be where you want to prioritize your money, and that’s fine, but you could make it work. (Why do you need a car rental to do it, by the way?)
It is possible it just has to make sense and you have to want to prioritize it. Like it could be a creative solution - if even just to test things out. But paying double rent for a month or two is OFTEN part of moving, if it gives you a happy solution or even just an opportunity to put your toe in before you uproot your life, it is 100% something you can do.
I’d also reframe the WFH situation - even though it went up the VP, your boss FOUGHT for you to get it. That means your boss values you and was able to make the case. Now you just have to prove you’re a productive worker from home, and slowly you can acclimate them to it. <3
My body can’t physically take the cold any more. If we did not have the cold, or if I could tolerate the cold, I would not want to move. But, we do. And I can’t. So I really don’t see another solution, other than be physically miserable for 6-7 months out of the year. Which is slowly killing my soul.
I think it would feel more do-able if I weren’t already trying to save up $10k (conservative estimate) for the eventual move, which I literally am just starting to do with this Friday’s paycheck. In addition to putting 20% of pretax income into my 401k (I just recently reduced it to 20%, it was 31% because that was maxing it. It is KILLING me right now to not be maxing my 401k, I am 47 years old and very behind on retirement savings. But it was making things SO tight and I want to be able to build my e-fund and save for an eventual move too).
You’re absolutely right when you say that it’s about priorities. I have absolutely no idea where to prioritize my money, which is a larger issue that goes beyond moving and I rant about at length on my journal at the other place. I am behind on retirement savings, I don’t have an e-fund large enough to help me sleep at night, I am uncomfortable with how little I am donating to charitable causes that I believe in, I’ve put off travel my entire life because (long story and this is all I’m saying about it) family members got angry when I did and now that I’m pushing 50, I’m pissed that i let that happen and I want to make up for lost time. I can’t do all of that all at once. I have a hard time choosing where extra dollars should go, and if I think about it too hard my brain just goes AAAAAAAAA and I get anxious and want to shut down. Moving is starting to feel more urgent though.
Neither the Orlando nor the (suburban) Austin offices are accessible by public transport; I’ve checked. Both are in fairly remote areas, as I understand it - industrial parks without much around. Everyone has to drive, and everyone in Austin complains about it because the office moved a few years ago from the city proper and now everyone apparently has a horrible commute. I am not coordinated enough to ride a bike, if that’s even possible there.
I suppose that could happen. My boss cannot override the VP, though, who seems EXTREMELY adamant about butts in seats at all times. If it were a choice between letting me work remotely and losing me… I’m not certain what would happen. I’m very good at my job and consistently get “exceeds” ratings on my performance reviews, but I don’t have unique skills that my co-workers do not. I would like to get these skills, and have asked for the opportunity to get these skills, but so far that hasn’t happened because the pressing deadlines have involved me doing stuff I already do well. And it’s not stuff I can learn more about on my own, I’ve done all the online training, it’s more of a thing that’s learned by doing, and if I am not allowed to do it, well. (Yes, I am intentionally being vague so as not to post anything too identifying!) I’m going to continue to push for more opportunity, but our deadlines may not allow for that.
I think a good next step would be for me to actually visit Austin and see if I like it or hate it. If I hate it, then I know not to pursue this. I already know I hate Orlando.
Ah, I understand. Well in that case, the weather trumps everything else. Maybe there are some other requirements you can drop off your list? Prioritizing, like @anomalily mentioned will probably help. As it is it seems like you prioritize all of your wants/needs equally, so no place is suitable. If health is the bottom line thing (I’m moving largely due to physical issues, so I get you on that) then other stuff has to be flexible/less important.
I mean, I’ve pretty much accepted that I’m not going to be able to go car-less - that requirement is not going to happen. Ideally, though, I’d find something similar to what my friends have in St. Louis. They need a car, but are in a walkable neighborhood; they can walk to restaurants and nightlife and a grocery store and a Walgreens or CVS, I forget which. So they do not absolutely need to get in the car for every little thing. I’d like to avoid that if I can.
And, I don’t think I’m going to get a lower COL. Ideally, though, the COL wouldn’t be huge (like, Bay Area is off my list for this reason. I just can’t. Those rents are horrifying).
Weather is nonnegotiable, as if not for weather, I would not want to move. Blue state/city/someplace where women’s rights are not under assault/does that even exist anywhere anymore, FFS? is also very important to me.
Well that’s good! FWIW I lived in Austin without a car. I wouldn’t recommend it, and it sounds like you need one for your commute, but I was in walking distance of a coffee shop, a couple of bars, restaurants, and a few small stores! I also took the bus like 20 minutes to a huge HEB, so I think it is doable to have the car for commute only and still be in a walkable neighborhood. You might like the South Congress area
I never went there, but I would take into account that literally everyone thinks traffic is awful in their city. People in Austin complain about how dense and traffic laden it is all the time, but I never saw anything I’d even consider traffic there. Coming from Chicago I imagine you’ll feel the same way, so if people are complaining about the super long commute and crazy traffic, it really might not be that bad, lol.
