I ordered a kit from premom with a thermometer and some test strips. I’m still on the mini-pill, and was planning to finish out my current package before officially trying.
Now - I need to find the balance between tracking and trying, and not stressing out about it too much. Not because I think it affects fertility, but I don’t do well with this type of anticipation/waiting for results. Same reason why I couldn’t handle the academic life of proposal writing and waiting for funding results.
I am coming to this late @ginja_ninja but there have been so many warm and wonderful replies that I’d echo wholeheartedly. (And shout out to @zygote, I appreciate friends like you so much!) But there are a few parts of your post that jumped out at me.
On anti-kid friends: In my early 20s I had two friends who were very keen to have kids. They also wanted to orient their entire lives around their families, taking time out of their careers or hobbies. This made parenting feel completely unfathomable to me and most of my friends, who were really focused on career stuff.
Then a wave of friends had kids a little later (mid 30s and beyond). This wave of friends approached parenting differently and I realized that you could be a great parent and love a kid(s) so much and also have time for other interests. I babysat my nephew a lot while his parents competed in national-level sports for several years. I talked to a former housemate who took a full 3 month mat leave while running her startup. I coached a mom who started competing in a new sport after her younger kid started kindergarten. And all of these friends even had a minute for our friendship.
Maybe you can’t have it all in a given week, or in the newborn days, or during a global pandemic… but as I got baby-curious I started noticing how some friends & acquaintances could hold on to the things that made them feel like themselves, and taking notes. Often it involved creative logistics, a great co-parent, and various forms of village. I’m pretty sure I subconsciously gravitated towards friendships with older people too. And then it started to feel more feasible to me.
On bodily autonomy: Breastfeeding didn’t come easily to me (NICU, pumping to fill a feeding tube, then covid cut my supply, and honestly I was too tired) and during that time I definitely felt like an agricultural specimen. But I stopped at 8 months and after that I felt like I had my body back. It was tough during that time, but it also wasn’t that long. By 90% sheer luck and 10% effort, my kid doesn’t require my presence or contact to sleep.
You enjoy ultra running, right? Here are 2 resources I found really interesting as an athlete:
Podcast with a woman who pursued her first career, then a sports career, then had kids at 42 and 52
On career: This is getting way too long, but suffice it to say that over time I got to know people (especially women) who had kids at various stages. One took 3 years off in her mid 20s and came back to become Director/VP of megacorp when her kids were in grade school. I only know a few industries well enough to comment, but amongst those having 6-10 yrs of working your tail off under your belt seems to unlock a lot more options… but that can be before or after young kids.
I don’t talk about the joys of my kiddo too much here because it seems like a bit of a dick move (walked to a riverfront art/water installation, tacos for dinner, bedtime was easy, then we laughed at kiddo’s latest antics, the end?). I also spend more time on the forums when the baby is being fussy. Such good wisdom and sympathies here, and also good company for 3AM. But your comment made me think that I shouldn’t shy away from sharing more about the good parts, for a more accurate picture of this season of life!
And FF changed the day of the crosshairs on me. I’m thinking I should probably discard the new temp though because I don’t think I slept for a solid 4 hours or whatever they recommend.
I don’t believe I could have ovulated CD 20 and if I have to wait another week to reliably test I will go crazy.
(Then again if ovulation was actually later I would definitely not be pregnant.)
I scheduled an appointment with a gyn to check for possible endo, because my periods are THE ACTUAL WORST and your post made me think maybe there’s another way? So thank you, and congrats on just having “normal” symptoms.
Sorry to hear you’re having abnormal menstrual pain! It’s the worst! I still had to start with ObGyn for an Endo diagnosis, but in my case the cramps had migrated up to my liver and for stupid reasons surgeons were involved “in case” it was gallstones, but it was a lot more definitively endo than “just” pelvic symptoms. In my case surgeons were a lot more liberal in ordering advanced imaging, which is fortunately well covered by my insurance. Big endo lesions show up on MRI and CAT (CT) scans, ultrasound is very hit or miss. The only definitive diagnosis is surgery.
The little advice I can give, that you may already know: research endo symptoms and go in with a list, ask about it directly (“could this be endometriosis? What treatments are available? How do we do that, what are next steps?” ) Ask for an MRI or CAT if you want them (or surgery may request anyway). If you get no traction without good reason (like they think it’s something else, maybe fibroid? but aggressively treat that, it’s fine but take an extra Advil is not). Oh, and talk about how it affects your life, I think that helped. “OTC drugs barely work. I have to turn down work travel, take days off work, I can’t even keep up on chores or caring for my pets for several days, can’t exercise for a week.” Obviously whatever is true for you.
ETA: from first “liver cramps” period to first “back to normal” took just about a year so… It can be a process, unfortunately. I wish you more expediency than I got.
The advice is useful, thanks! There’s more than bad cramps, didn’t go into every detail. I went to the ER once with debilitating “feels like cramps but it’s definitely not cramps because I had my period one week ago.” They gave me drugs and imaged my junk and found a bunch of cysts, then sent me home saying it was probably menstrual cramps. Even though IT DEFINITELY WAS NOT MY PERIOD.
Went to the gyn later for possible pcos and found elevated T, but didn’t test further. The provider said it wouldn’t be helpful, since the only real treatment would be exercise and maintaining a “healthy” weight, which I was already doing. And this was pre-ACA, so having a pre-existing condition on record wasn’t ideal.
From talking to people with pcos, thats a bullshit treatment and you should push back. It may be pcos AND endo, because theres no reason it cant be both. My periods were horrible minor-labour experiences and fixed by specialist physio of all things (a treatment that didnt exist when I first had trouble at 13) and I recommend for your most recent period, plus any memorable ones, write out a paragraph of details like where the pain was (use a person diagram like physios use!), Pain score out of 10 (check the pain scores used in medical settings so you are using their system), and like Galliver said, all the ways it makes life hard.
I had years of that data before I was taken seriously but there are more aware doctors around now, too.
Spoilering because it’s basically just a rehash of my “wtf body” posts.
Summary
I have all my very early pregnancy symptoms. I feel exactly like I did last pregnancy.
4 AM witching hour
Wanna go to bed earlier because tiiiired
Less food capacity
Where are all these SMELLS coming from???
Burps
Brushing my teeth makes me gag and sputter
Thirstyyyyyy
Then really have to pee
No actual period despite spotting
No cramps
Boobs kinda itchy
Diarrhea/constipation power combo!
But this morning’s test was stark negative, no line eyes to speak of. And if I mis-tracked, to get pregnant I would have had to ovulate like, two days earlier which would put me 13 dpo, meaning no positive yet would most likely mean any pregnancy would be progressing poorly.
So basically I’m hoping for my period really soon or a true wtf miracle baby.
