Jumpin back in. I can’t compose my thoughts to reply, but appreciate the discussion.
It’s weird to spin my wheels and take a cycle off, right after starting again. But I know it’s worth not having the stress of my second dose during a 2WW and worrying about side effects and all that.
Oh also forgot to mention I think- a friend is pregnant with her third. I started trying for my first before she did, and had to step out as her labor coach to pop a clomid. Blah. I’m happy for her, but she’s also the LEAST intuitive/sensitive type person I regularly associate with, so talking to her whenever she’s pregnant is just a damn minefield sometimes.
Did . . . did someone once say that to you?! If so, the mind boggles, and I’m sorry that happened. There’s enough cruelty in the world without criticizing people’s methods of making the family they dream of. Everyone’s path to that is different, and, IMO, everyone who gets there (if that’s what they want) is, to me, living the dream, not a nightmare!
I’m not a fan of comparison in general, at all. (I believe I called it a hamster wheel at some point in this thread.) What I was getting at is that, if one feels already compelled to compare, as we often do, and finds themselves already in that place, it can be helpful to remember that there’s a whole continuum of directions to look in and each of our positions is unique and no doubt looks good to someone else. That is all, no shade intended to be cast in any direction.
After this last clarifying point that I needed to make because I feared I was being misconstrued, I am also bowing out of the topic because I’m not sure what else I could say to be clearer and I feel like the whole “tone on the internet” thing here might be making my intentions lost.
But I’m really sorry someone was that mean to you, and I offer you internet hugs if you would like any.
I was wondering about that—how vaccines are supposed to affect that sort of thing. I’m not going to be due to get one until probably the fall, so hopefully won’t be an issue, but just for other people going through it, I was curious. Is there any actual data on it yet? I trust your instincts about this stuff since you know so much more than I do, but it was something I’d been idly wondering.
No actual data, because pregnant women were excluded from the initial vaccine trials. However, there were numerous women who got pregnant after having received the vaccine. There doesn’t seem to be any particular risk to it, the concern just centers around immediate side effects (esp from the second dose which tends to be higher). Fever during the first trimester isn’t a great idea, it can affect some developmental things like brain structures, so if you can easily avoid it, its best. Also, if you’re in that implantation window, the mass inflammation of a strong immune response can prevent implantation. Which I guess doesn’t really cause a problem beyond the pregnancy not establishing, but I also just didn’t wanna risk the whole thing. It was easier just to take a month off. Frankly, in a lot of ways I don’t feel like I’m in a race against time, because I feel like I’ve already lost haha. I feel like trying naturally it’s just kind of going through the motions while time passes until it’s time to move on to a frozen transfer.
No worries, no one said anything so explicitly or with intent to harm. It’s just sort of the unfortunate implications of saying something like “I’m so glad IVF worked and I got a biological child. I can’t imagine having to use an egg donor. It would just be terrible to not have my and my partner’s genes in our children.”
Which is a paraphrase, not a direct quote, but not an exaggeration. Meanwhile I’m over here with no partner and no genetic connection like “ okay sure”. I fully admit to not having a lot of empathy for that. Not people’s struggle to come to terms with losing their genes (or not having a partner), but writing off my family like it’s a worst case scenario.
I’m sorry people were that callous to you, direct quote or not. For the little that it may be worth, I think that’s a beautiful way to create a family, and I’m happy for you that it worked for you.
Ah what an excellent memory! Yes that friend. Yes, initially, because she had the placental abruption. But she met with an MFM. They’re going to start lung ripening at 36 weeks and do a scheduled c/s at 37 weeks, and she was given the green light to do it. And then she one shotted pregnancy again.
Pettiness, tbh
Also the whole- she didn’t talk to me for quite a while because apparently seeing Latte and hearing about her made her sad that she couldn’t have another. Never mind that I stayed in touch with her and asked after her boys and everything even through all of my infertility. But apparently I’m not allowed to enjoy my one child because she thought she couldn’t have her third. That’s an uncharitable way to view it, but it’s hard not to feel petty when I moved heaven and earth to be there for her so many times and just… ugh ended up being so fair weathered to me.
Anyone else love being part of studies? lol. This one advertised to me on FB, thought others might be interested. No compensation (and I’m not formally referring or getting any compensation for that or anything) but you have a chance to win like, pregnancy tests and a Kindara membership. I just like science I’ve always figured my infertility should at least benefit research.
Update on this, I get to be part of a 200 person sub study where I wear I wristband for 3 days and they collect info on my environmental exposures! Super cool. I should get that by the end of next week.
So . . . today I found out that Swan’s sister is pregnant. The really wild thing is that she (who is a nurse by trade) did not realize until super recently that she is . . . and she’s already 18 weeks! I’m SUPER happy for her and also feeling other SUPER complicated things.
Thoughts and Feelings
She is a year older than me, and she said her periods have always been super irregular, so she didn’t notice anything amiss. She had trouble conceiving her last one, so did not expect to randomly get pregnant with this one. She had told me a couple of years ago that, having had three already, she was done. So I am having some feels about just the idea of “people older than me getting pregnant accidentally with #4 when I am working so hard for #1.”
The really-really crazy part is that her being pregnant for as long as she has been, we were actually pregnant at the same time and didn’t know it. She’s due less than three weeks after I was due! So her pregnancy is kind of on track to what mine was supposed to be, which feels weird to me. I’m still kinda processing that whole thing. I was already sometimes involuntarily doing a “oh, right about now I would be going through _____” without even anyone else close to see doing it. Especially, like, Swan and his sister look a lot alike, and her kids look a lot like both of them. The genes are strong in that family. If it takes much longer for me to get pregnant, I’m a bit worried about how seeing a baby that looks like him that will be basically the exact age my baby would have been is going to affect me.
OVERALL, I’m mostly not too envious. But the one thing I’m having a super irrational feeling about is that I had this whole fantasy about how I would have a girl and she’d be the princess of the universe; out of the latest batch of babies among both sides’ siblings, all of them are boys—a total of seven boys ages 6 and under! So I had this idea that if I had a girl, she would be extra special to everyone. Never mind that I didn’t ever get to know the sex of my baby. And never mind that it’s a 50/50 chance her baby will not be even a girl. There’s a stupid part of my brain that is grumpy that my “only princess of the universe” fantasy might not come true. Feelings are stupid sometimes.
There is one super-bright side, in addition to just getting to hang out with another cute baby eventually: if I get pregnant fast, then the babies will be super close together in age and can play together, no matter the genders! I guess I just hold out hope for that.
OK, so I got a positive OPK for the first time ever (well, the first time that wasn’t leftover pregnancy hormones). It would figure that it comes on the day that I cannot see my partner all day—he left for his one very long day of work each week and won’t be back till after my bedtime, and when he gets back he’ll be exhausted and not in the mood. The doc told me sex for three days when I get a positive, though, so I think I’ll still be OK with tomorrow and the next day? It’s stupid that we’re in the house together 24/6 and I get the positive on the errant 1 day.
okay sure”. I fully admit to not having a lot of empathy for that. Not people’s struggle to come to terms with losing their genes (or not having a partner), but writing off my family like it’s a worst case scenario.
feel all the things. Yup.
