So this is my first forum. I was wondering where anomalily gets the responses, etc from forum members that are highlighted on the podcast? I hear these and always wonder “when/where on the forum did they say that?” and I assume I don’t understand how to use the forum.
Does anyone know?
There are often new threads started by Lillian in the big money playpen section on a particular topic, and what people respond there she’ll put on the podcast. There was one a while back on “what would you do with $100.” A few others come from monthly challenges and such.
I think sometimes it’s even responses in her own journal too.
How do you tell a family member to dial way, WAY back on talking about politics? Especially when it’s their favorite ax to grind?
This family member is very, uh, vocal about her political views. She says “Politics ties into everything!” which at some level is true but if I’m talking about how my kid is doing at school you don’t need to bring up how poorly teachers are paid because of Republicans in state government. Any mention of a health thing has a very high likelihood of universal coverage or ACA being mentioned within a few minutes. In general I agree with her views but it is just so tiresome. At this point it’s become a bit of a ‘joke’ between me and Mr. Meer how long it would take her to bring up Trump (usually in the first two hours of a weekend visit). She is working on creating an organization that is politically motivated so she does have some constructive outlet for her energies but right now it’s pretty much just a one-woman shop and maybe a few volunteers here and there sometimes.
I also found out recently that she has a friend who will text her with whatever Trump outrage of the day is so they can be outraged together. That feels a bit … I don’t have a good word … like adrenaline junkies or it feels masturbatory or something but with different hormones? Being addicted to being outraged just for the sake of being outraged? (I hesitate to use the word addicted because obviously this is very different from capital-A Addiction.)
I have already tried talking about how I’m doing a low information diet (not really) or how I don’t want to spend too much time talking about Trump because it gives him more space in my brain than he deserves, but that hasn’t had any noticeable effect.
Maybe “can you please tone the politics way down, it stresses me out to think about it all the time”? Could add “because all I can really do to influence is vote (and donate money), don’t have the time or energy to volunteer” but sometimes keeping it simpler is better, otherwise they attack your reasons. If it continues, maybe threaten reducing contact?
Also, I have totally seen the phrase “outrage porn”, might be apropos to what you describe re: the texting.
You may need to have a very blunt discussion with them.
“I love you, I want to continue to include you in our lives. Your constant talk of politics, current events and campaigns leaves me feeling exhausted. If you can’t leave it out of our conversations, then we need to see each other less.”
I’ve had to distance myself from folks (family and friends) for similar reasons. As much as I love them, it’s unhealthy for me to continue to expose myself when all they do is drain me.
It may also take repeated reiteration, because they might be so passionate about it that they don’t understand others simply can’t share that level of passion.
My dad is a raging conservative and gets like this too. I had a few arguments about it and a few “look, I can’t keep doing this so either cut it out or we’re going to talk less” conversations (which helped) but the biggest thing was just not engaging. It’s hard to do but I basically just stare at him blankly when he goes off. Then he’s ranting with no audience and it’s no fun for him so he stops. If we’re on the phone I literally say nothing, and then he either tires himself out or I change the subject in a really obvious way.
On one hand it burns me to not challenge some of the really inflammatory and wrong things he says, but I just can’t do it. I want a relationship with him and I’m not going to change him, but I can live my values and set my boundaries. He’s learned that I won’t call him as much when he rants at me, or that when he starts repeating racist/homophobic/whatever Fox News talking points he gets cut off immediately. I see it almost like how you interact with a toddler who is doing something you don’t want them to do. You have to show them that their words don’t get the reaction they want and so they stop doing it eventually
I’ve been non-responsive to a lot of stuff but it doesn’t stop it being brought up again in future phone calls. It’s a good start though.
That’s definitely a good phrase, I’ll have to remember it.
For me that’s where the frank conversation came in. It wasn’t pretty but I had to be like “Dad, I can’t keep engaging with this. We have different viewpoints and I don’t want to keep arguing with you. We disagree. I hope that you’ll respect my view like I’m trying to respect yours. There’s so much more we can talk about than politics, but if you won’t stop I’m going to have to distance myself from this”
I think that laying out a clear boundary that if this continues I won’t be participating helped him to stop and also helped him have that little reminder when he realized I wasn’t engaging with his conversation that “Oh yeah, she did tell me if I kept ranting at her that our conversations would be one sided…”
Also for a bit there I did stop calling him and answering his calls. It wasn’t a full on silent treatment, I just only answered when I felt I could hold firm/had the energy to deal with it or only called him when I had a specific thing to talk to him about and then ended the call. I also talked to my mom about his outrage porn type addiction (@druidessie this is exactly what he has and why he loves fox news and watching youtube videos of people yelling at their HOA’s and stuff) and I think she might have worked on him a little bit as well
Following along because my mother was like this for the first year, maybe two that 45 was elected. And in fact, both of my parents have always been a bit like this. Lightly involved in local politics, Highly involved in their own anxieties.
It took my mother having a panic attack so bad that she was admitted for a suspected heart attack TWICE to get her off the daily news.
I would never interact with someone who wasn’t a parent like this, but I often simply say “I can’t talk about/delve into that right now” and it works.
However it takes some buy-I’m from me too. I can’t keep getting annoyed when she brings it up again. I just plug is the X… it’s like an equation:
Me “my trash didn’t get picked up this week, weird”.
Parent “well the city won’t let the goddamn workers unionize and that trickles down and hurts everyone”.
Me “I can’t talk about that right now”.
Parent “oh, ok… how’s work?”.
^ I almost always agree with them, and vote accordingly and donate accordingly, but I can’t live in a state of constant rage. I cannot. I will not.
Has anyone purchased/used a sunrise alarm clock? The Philips models seem to be the best recommended, but I can’t justify the expense. There are a lot of less expensive options, but reviews seem to be pretty unreliable.
what do you do if overexercise or over stretching causes muscle cramping that freezes your toes, it happens about once a month, in my fingers less so as well… and it’s very annoying. It’s not super painful because i’m used to it and i know i can make it go away within 20 minutes (usually just trying to relax and gently massaging it, standing and distributing my weight over it gently), but my middle toes will cramp, the muscle is burning, and the toe literally like “drops” behind the others (imagine Vulcan salute but on the z axis) it freezes into the incorrect position and its hard to make it go back to normal to make the pain stop (also… i don’t know if it is actually dislocating?)… this is happening at the very base of the toe
Have you tried supplementing electrolytes? Potassium is the most likely cause of a cramp like that but it could also be low magnesium or sodium.
Suggested it as an idea to my wife but we haven’t tried it. Our current solution is an alarm set to a calm local news station.
Mine do that! It sucks. I’ve noticed benefit in increasing my magnesium intake and keeping my feet warm. Also upping water consumption the day of intense exercise.
I had fingers freeze and somewhat cramp - I ran very warm water over the area and that helped a lot. I had been chopping up food, and needed to wash my hands anyway - so it was kind of a lucky finding.
Is it horribly rude to hang out for a couple hours in a coffee-shop-type-place with food and drink that I have brought in from elsewhere? I would buy something, but not necessarily to consume there.
Would you be there by yourself? And would the items you are consuming the sorts of things that they sell?
You sitting there and eating a scone from home - not great, you consuming soup- probably fine.
The caveat is don’t take up a table if it is crowded. They might ask you to leave if you are just hanging out and other customers are having to stand.
No to the first, yes to the second. It would not be visually obvious that I am eating a vegan croissant, which they do not sell, rather than a croissant like the ones they sell… And you make a good point, I didn’t feel bad in the past drinking one of their drinks and eating packaged snacks from the grocery store.
If nobody else turns up I’ll go back to the vegan coffee shop where I want to get other food and sit there (they don’t have enough space for my whole potential group). It is unlikely to be crowded, from past experience.