I personally would never offer parenting critique to someone I didn’t know well. It will never come across in a helpful way, and won’t work anyhow. Telling people we don’t know they’re doing something wrong rarely works in any scenario.
I’ve had neighbors that yelled constantly and had kids with zero boundaries. Many times I mentioned that I have weird hours and even the planes going over woke me up, but the one time I mentioned the kids digging up my flowers it did not go over well.
Reminders that I can hear through closed windows worked depending on the noise, so IMO it’s worth a try to build a relationship with them. Like go over with treats (a little basket of kid snacks or whatever) and talk in person at a different time of day, and just say “I don’t know if you knew it’s really easy to hear through the wall, but I thought I’d mention it since I’m working in that room from x to x time. Here are some Covid times treats for us all being stuck in this crazy scenario” etc
The only thing that worked for me 100% of the time was making peace with the disruption and chronic damages to my property, as if they were happening because of something I couldn’t control, like a weather event. I would have spent years in a state of simmery fury otherwise. Even though it was my choice to live in a dense neighborhood with lots of families, it’s hard to get past once I’m annoyed.
Likely no coming from a family of yellers, it’s an incredibly hard pattern to break. Even with counseling, a supportive partner, and a very stable and privileged life, it’s an incredibly hard pattern to break. And kids have a special way of triggering bad patterns. When someone “calls you out” on something like that, it just adds to the shame/anger/dysregulation spiral. I know it’s very overwhelming to be on the other end, but it’ll probably just add to the chaos to try.
It’s really hard. And dysegulation begets dysregulation. And 3 year olds are the source of 90% of the universes chaotic energy. Instead of trying to solve the problem, can you just manage the situation? If certain times are commonly “noise points”, can you take a call on a walk, put on music, noise cancelling headphones, change rooms for half an hour? Just have it be like… a trash truck going by. Annoying, predictable, something to work around.
My upstairs neighbor did the same years ago in a brownstone apartment. Almost every day I could hear a man yelling at a child for a loooong time. Likewise, there didn’t seem to be physical violence that I could hear.
I was working in an office at the time so my main concern was for the kid. Knocked on the door one day with cookies and asked how they were doing. Didn’t make any requests but it seemed to get the message across that they could be heard. The dad (?) seemed sheepish and relieved - he seemed friendly. Not sure exactly how it all worked but I stopped hearing yelling after that. Really hope it didn’t just push anger underground.
Women’s fashion question - what words should I look for when shopping for tops to go under sweaters to keep me warm because I have the heat generating properties of a lizard? “Layering” apparently means “thin as tissue paper”.
Pretty much anything you buy in the men’s department will do it. For all my warm underclothes that’s where I go because women’s clothes are made of thoughts and prayers.
I go for tank top rather than camisole, which generally gets me tshirt level at least. Then sometimes something over that as well. But yes, men’s department is thicker, higher quality, and more consistent. Maybe a pack of men’s undershirts? I have some of those too. They are mostly white but you can find black sometimes.
Things from all these brands are good. But walmart and target and giant tiger have stuff too, but quality and sizing can be off. They will also have the cotton waffle thermals, those still work, but less well.
Otherwise anything that fits under the sweater will help. Also, I’d let the sweater do fashion and baselayer do warmth
Seconding @elle. I would look at thermals. Old Navy had a nice variety when I looked in December and Uniqlo’s heat tech stuff is magic and the price point is still attainable. They have the heat tech in different styles too so you could do a t shirt or tank top type one under other blouses if you want something nice than a basic long sleeve top.
you probably also know this, but part of the heat effect is about the air spaces between each of the layers. There is also apparently a saying in the north about sweat = death. Water will destroy heat so fast. Gap’s “Modern” shirts and tank tops are made with a thicker material, and I use those under my sweaters. (I grew up being anti-undershirt and it turns out my mother was right)
Also, socks. You asked about sweaters, but seriously, socks. When my wfh office is cold, I double layer socks (thin sock + wool sock) and then sometimes also put on an old pair of shoes that should have been thrown out years ago and are only worn around the house. Socks are a wonderful hack.
I’m south of the snow line so I’m not worried about literally freezing to death like people up north, but I can see how it factors into how clothing is made. I have definitely adopted hats and socks and slippers though! I’m currently wearing the wonderful Doctor Who toque @kenner sent me. It keeps my ears warm too!
Also this year I’ve realized (or realized again) how many of my sweaters are cut with lower necklines. I do have a few turtle necks, but that includes two that are short sleeved? I think past me wanted to give them a try. Current me just keeps passing them over in the closet. (Apparently the pandemic has me wanting a whole new winter wardrobe even though I don’t really leave the house ever. )
I would be thoughtful about the materials as you search. I’m trying to avoid synthetic clothing right now because of the microplastics, but if that’s not an issue for you, I’d recommend the Uniqlo heattech. You can get t-shirts and tank tops that really do make a difference, or you can get the extra-warm long sleeves which I loved but probably are over-kill for where you live.
If you’re not wild about something synthetic, I’d get on poshmark and look for silk tank tops. I got an Eileen Fisher one on poshmark and I think it works about as well as the heattech t-shirt.
For long sleeves, I’d look at a scoop neck wool or silk thermal. Scoop neck makes it easier to wear under a bunch of things. Currently, I’m still wearing Uniqlo heattech and washing in a guppy bag until I find a good scoop neck option.
Silk thermals are incredible. And they are super thin, which means they are good for layering, but so very warm.
I also like Lands End cotton turtlenecks for layering under sweaters. Well, I did when I wore sweaters, which I no longer do. I don’t like sweaters. But not for like “adventuring”. Don’t wear cotton in the great outdoors in the cold. It is death if you get wet.
Anyone been considering trying imperfect produce? They’re doing a give 20 get 20 deal right now. I think normally it’s $10 that you can get off from referral. Anyway, if you wanna try it out and you’re in one of the highlighted states and you would like $20 off, PM me and i can send you a link.
Or ask me any questions about it. I’m pretty sure @TrisPrior uses them too! So she can answer/probably has the same deal available too.
Yep! I’ve been posting over in the Snackuary thread screenshots of my orders. I’ve mostly been pleased. Prices are higher than I am used to paying, and the selection varies widely from week to week and is not as broad as a normal grocery store, but in a pandemic I see value in groceries showing up weekly with little effort on my part, and free delivery if I spend over the threshold which is not hard to do at all for 2 people.
coming from a family of yellers, it’s an incredibly hard pattern to break. Even with counseling, a supportive partner, and a very stable and privileged life, it’s an incredibly hard pattern to break. And kids have a special way of triggering bad patterns. When someone “calls you out” on something like that, it just adds to the shame/anger/dysregulation spiral. I know it’s very overwhelming to be on the other end, but it’ll probably just add to the chaos to try.