Looking back at 43, and still seeming to have everything attached and working reasonably well, some of my previous concerns seemed a bit silly.
At 27, tears developed in both of my retinas, and I worried about going blind.
At 30, hip bursitis gave me a limp for a couple months. And my shoulders ached. And my knees…
But I got into sports in my 30s, increased my cardio and weight-lifting, and got in much better shape.
My 20s were full of insecurities and trying to get attention and feel important and noticed and attractive. This bled into my early 30s, but I started to realize I didn’t get what I hoped out of those things. There were a lot of shallow relationships that were not fulfilling.
Started dating MvR just before my 35th birthday. You could say my social life has changed a bit. From almost constant partying, going out to bars, seeing friends, etc. to being quite the homebody. The extrovert in me still misses some of these things sometimes.
My concern over hair and always wearing contacts to look my “best” has largely fallen to the wayside. (Not entirely, I’m not a barbarian!)
Of course, now I’ve had a second concussion and I don’t think I can type much more here for now so I’ll end it abruptly
Just want to say that this seems like deep insight into humanity/generations in general?
Like whatever generation is in their teens/20s is always disparaged like “oh they don’t wanna work lazy bums want everything on a silver platter” but really it’s a phase most people go through in some sense (ie seeking greatness whether it’s pursuing schooling or trying to land a “dream job” or partying and showing off socially or some combo)
Anyway around the 30yo mark that seems to taper off and we (in general) recognize that everything is work and greatness is more work and having drifted away from early life relationships start to value life metrics, deep friendships etc?
I agree, but I also think that part of this is that in my 20s I was still pretty focused on those people physically nearby.
This may not be true still with the ‘net, but a lot of my letting go of “give a damn” about others’ opinions went – when I realized how BIG the world was.
I wasn’t stuck with the people I’d always known/situations I’d always known. I could chose, or not, to associate with those people. To go to those places. To aspire to those standards. I had control.
As I internalized that I didn’t have to adopt the standards put out there by my birth family/locale/social standing/employment, I stopped worrying so much about their opinions and became a lot more secure. I could walk away from the never enough: religion, money, social standing, premium stuff, factoids stuffed into my head and replace it with the spirituality, having enough, people I actually cherished, and not play the “data regurgitation” game my academic family seems to love.
My oldest son is 49 and took me out for lunch today. He was saying that he read that he’s old enough to get a colonoscopy. I told him it appears that we will be seniors together if I live long enough since we are only 19 years apart. He was unamused:)).
I read a story in a magazine where a 80 year old man told the workers his dad was coming to visit. Of course they didn’t believe him. When the weekend came his healthy 98 year old dad came to visit.
The biggest thing I’ve learned over the years is the importance of family. When I was younger, I rarely kept in touch with my family. Maybe once a year. I didn’t realize how finite our time on Earth is and how quickly it goes by.
I read somewhere that one of the signs of being poor is that your vacations are always to visit family. Although that may be true for some people, nearly all of our vacations now revolve around visiting family. I have no idea how long my parents have left. Same for the rest of my family. One of my sisters in law has aggressive breast cancer. One of my brothers has gotten a number of health issues over the years.
Plus other relatives, colleagues, friends have passed away over the years as well. That makes you start to appreciate time…when those around you start to run out of it.
(Not responding to you Benson, but to the quote you read)
That’s a dismal take and I think, a privileged one. Most of our vacations are to visit family (and friends that are like family), but it’s because our time and money is finite and we like them a lot. If we were actually poor, vacationing would be off the table entirely, including to visit family. We’re fortunate enough to be able to go where we want to, which is often also where the people we love are.
I think the quote arises less from the value of visiting family and more the culture around different socioeconomic class. There’s a really cool analysis on cultural differences from lower to higher socioeconomic classes that lists lower class being more tight knit with family and community due to the necessity of sharing and connection in their daily life! Which is actually a great thing IMHO objectively speaking when looking at all the research on happiness and longevity
A quick google brings this up:
The culture of the working class looks quite different. Rather than primarily highlighting independence, it also heavily centers on interdependence: the ability to adjust to the situation, build community, and be responsive to others. Understanding Social Class as Culture - Behavioral Scientist
So actually, even if the author (Not @Benson, again!) was listing it as a negative because in our culture more money = more inherent worth as a person, it’s actually very neutral and just a product of circumstance and dynamics!
If I remember correctly, it was written by someone who grew up poor, actually. Their assumption was that non-poor people normally take vacations to destinations such as Disneyland, Hawaii, Paris, etc. I can only surmise that the author took it for granted that non-poor people go on vacation in addition to and separately from visiting relatives. The premise was that her family growing up only went to visit family during vacation because that was all they could afford.
Personally, I think she was lucky to live with parents who value family. Hopefully it rubbed off on her.
Too funny! When we visit a community within an hour of family, they are insulted if we don’t visit at least. And if we go to the same community they expect us to stay over at their house for at least two nights! One night you’re just using them as a hotel. Two nights is being polite. Three nights is a good visit. Though often they prefer five day visits. . As we’re retired, we can accommodate the 3 - 5 night visits.
Because it’s fun to see new places, eat new foods, and visit people! Staycation is great too. But travel is beautiful as a way to shake up the status quo and be reminded how beautiful and large the world is
I ain’t middle aged just yet (34) tho so I’ll shut up lol
I totally agree Oro that it’s interesting and fun to visit other places. I have been to Europe 5xs and have 2 more trips booked. In April I am going to Zurich, Munich, salsburg, Vienna and Prague for 11 days. A year later France for 11 days with a really good friend. Those complete my bucket list and don’t know if I will do any beyond that.
I have also been on 6 cruises, many national parks and much of the states. We had a motor home for years which made road trips with the dogs easier.
I guess at 63, with chronic health conditions, I fall into @NewGig ’s line of thinking. I’ve been to Europe and Asia, across Canada numerous times, down the eastern seaboard as far as Boston (not very far I admit), and down the west coast from Vancouver to San Francisco.
While they were all lovely places and people in their own right, the trips were all very stressful for me. I was expected to plan them, organize them and keep everyone happy on them…and it was just too much.
I managed to pull Hubby and the girls into planning on the trip to San Francisco, but the last straw came with our trip to South Korea. I finally told Hubby that was it…we were hiring a local guide. I didn’t know the language and was having no luck learning it. Thankfully a Korean friend intervened and offered up her nephew. We had a great time. But I slept for four days straight when we got back home. So exhausted!
Now I wouldn’t even consider traveling, what with my chronic health conditions.
So…moral of story…if you want to travel, do it when you’re young and healthy!
I used to do all the planning, reservations, etc but when I went to Ireland I took a tour and that’s what I am doing the next two trips. Few people make it to their 60’s without chronic conditions and I have my own list unfortunately.
My mom went to Europe numerous times in her 70’s and early 80’s even though she had 3 different kinds of cancer during those years. It’s all about desire and attitude. Now some people don’t like to travel or spend their money on it and if that’s the case no shame in just admitting it.
. As we’re retired, we can accommodate the 3 - 5 night visits.