Oh good! I feel like I’m making this poor-little-rich kids argument where honestly I agree with everything you are saying. Like we should absolutely focus on how do we create class mobility from poverty or working class conditions, make sure everyone’s needs are covered, they have opportunities etc.
But my personal feeling, especially after reading the “hidden rules” lists, was that the second hardest existence for me personally (after physically unsafe/unstable) would be the ultra rich one. Like it seems extremely psychologically stressful and really fertile ground for feelings of inadequacy, failure, and depression over just normal occurrences. Also the whole thing about maintaining relationships/connections based on utility? Ugh.
I guess I’m saying I think I can deal with less money, as a physical limitation, much easier than a lack of physical or mental/emotional safety that I’m perceiving at the ends of the spectrum. So I see both ends as very hard… Not in a pitying the rich way but in a “not for me, no way in hell” way…
Yeah, I feel like some of that could be the bias of the hidden rules, though? I’d be super interested to know the demographics of the people who created it. I see what you’re saying though, and I don’t think you’re “poor little rich kid-ing it” (lol), but for example keeping in contact with people just for utility happens a lot on the lower income side too (not poor, just lower middle even)!
Summary
People have to stay nice to the lady who agrees to watch their kids for free, even though she has a gross house and hits your kids. I found a loaded hand gun at a babysitter’s house once! My parents still sent me back, lol, and told me not to say a word about it. Ditto with getting beat up or bullied, nbd. You can’t afford to make a fuss! You definitely need to stay on the good sides of certain people at church, and in town, even if they gossip about you all the time, etc. Again, it feels more needs based to me compared to say, someone who already has millions or billions, but who is choosing to stay friends with some a-hole because he gets them a slightly better deal on .
IDK, I guess I still feel like the less money side usually also has a lot less emotional and mental (and physical) safety. Even at the lower middle. It probably depends a lot on your family dynamics, though. Everyone has such different experiences! I feel like the odds that you’ll have a parent who doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth to parent very well increase when you are lower income. Partly because your parents might have grown up really poor (my mom was homeless for most of her youth) or in super dire circumstances, so they might be deeply damaged from that. Your parents are likelier to have had you young, too, and likelier to have less education and way less time. Your parents also might not have resources or be willing to accept mental health care. A lot of stuff gets normalized when so many members of a community are dealing with so much baggage, mental health professionals included.
I think it’s just totally different compared to affluent emotional stuff! Like, those 1% kids probably don’t have parents not around because they’re in jail or working three jobs, but maybe they aren’t around because they’re traveling internationally. They don’t get taken in by child services, but they get sent away to boarding school. They’re foisted off on paid employees, basically. I don’t think it sounds like a very healthy culture either, I totally agree. I’m sure happiness is in short supply and people at that level have boat loads of issues. I’m glad I wasn’t born and raised there because I fit where I am, but I still feel like I could suffer through, lol. It would be hard, up in my penthouse wondering where to summer, but I’m resilient. I’d soldier on, bravely, in my custom Zuhair Murad.
